THE BLOG
11/12/2014 09:49 am ET Updated Jan 12, 2015

When Your Life Clicks Into Place

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In the year 2000, my life clicked into place.

My mother would tell you it was because I had finally met and married my soul mate.

But I knew better.

Marrying Tim was, in fact, evidence that whatever it was I was doing, whatever life I had been living prior to meeting him, was indeed having a powerful effect on giving me exactly what I wanted in my life.

Something was finally working.

We make the mistake of thinking that it's the getting of the mate, or the getting of the new job, or the getting of the new house, that makes your life click into place.

But before all of this stuff can land in your lap, you can bet that there's a lot that has already gone on behind the scenes.

If I could press the rewind button and go back six months prior to my first meeting with Tim, you would see a woman falling in love with herself for the first time.

As ridiculous as it sounds, from the age of 17 to 46 (my current age back then) I'd never spent one day without a man in my life. There had been two marriages and two divorces, three long live-in relationships, and a few extra brief encounters to fill in the weeks and months in between.

I had purposefully set it up that way.

Hopping from one man to another left very little time for me to think about what I really wanted -- there was no time to dare to think about ME.

But then suddenly, I found myself single, and as trite as it sounds, I was discovering who I was and what I really needed. But that's still not the reason WHY or HOW I attracted Tim.

I coach many women who truly love themselves and who are open to sharing their beautiful independent lives with someone else, but who can't for the life of them, seem to find a life partner.

I once suggested to a client. Susan, can you just for a moment, consider the thought that you may never attract a life partner? How would your life be if the relationship thing never happened?

Her response was visceral. And she quickly told me: That's a horrible thing to think about. Please, let's not go there.

When you can live without the SAFETY NET of a partner, without the safety net of a successful career, or whatever it is that you think you want, that's actually when you get what you want. Because it's you saying to the universe, yes I want this thing, but I can still be happy without it.

To free fall through this life knowing that you'll be all right, and that you can actually be happy even if you don't get that thing you want -- now, that's a huge leap of faith, and it brings with it tremendous freedom. And it's in that sweet spot that the monkey of not having what you want, will finally get off your back.

And that my friend, is when your life will CLICK into place.