07/29/2014 12:39 pm ET Updated Sep 28, 2014

What Signal Are You Sending Out?

Have you ever had the experience of listening to a great song or conversation on your car radio, and then suddenly you lose the clear signal, and all you can hear is an ear full of noisy static?

That happened to me the other day as I'm about to listen to one woman's personal story of how she escaped a near death incident. The radio announcer pre-warned us that this would be a disturbing and violent story of how she was attacked, and to make sure that children and the faint of heart were out of the room. I was (kind of) ready to hear everything...

And that's when I lost the signal.

I turned the radio dial left and right, I reduced my speed, and heck, I even thought about driving back to the area where the signal had come through clearly. But I decided to let it go.

I often tell my clients that they are not so unlike a radio transmitter that is sending out a signal into the world picking up other similar signals. It's based on the law of attraction theory, that like attracts like. Who you bump into, work with, make love to, argue with, and rendezvous with in life is no accident. You are attracting and inviting all of it into your life whether you like it or not.

People transmit a variety of signals. Just look around your own life, especially at your place of work. I'm sure you can distinguish the signals that are kind, easy-going, enthusiastic, and fun from the signals that are downright nasty, negative, competitive, complaining, and fearful. And I'm sure you can put a face on each one.

If you think that you can keep your signal private -- just between you and you -- then think again. People can sniff you out the same way they can smell your Channel no. 5 perfume or Irish Spring soap. And when they do -- when they get a good sniff of you -- they'll make the decision to either tune you out or turn up their own volume control. That's the power of their choice.

It's important to know the essence of your signal for a number of reasons:

1. Your signal determines the quality of your relationships.
2. You're going to get back what you give out.
3. You're going to start enjoying your own company.

So how do you determine whether you're smelling like a sweet rose or food that's been left out in the hot sun? Here are some great questions to ask yourself: What subjects are you regularly tuning into? What's coming through loud and clear and static free in your daily communication (good or bad)? What are you broadcasting to the world? A good place to start is by noticing the tone and quality of your thoughts throughout the day and your general mood. The recipe for one's signal is a combination of thoughts and feelings.

But don't be fooled. This work requires honesty, guts, and consistency. Case in point: I have a client (I'll call her Mary). She's a decent, hardworking, honest person who has a boss who treats her as if she's a doormat. Because of our work together, it's clear that Mary has a problem with self-esteem and is used to being bullied by people in authority. In short, bullies can smell her a mile off. The bullies' insecurity is a perfect match for Mary's insecurity. Our work together is about cleaning up her signal from one that says: I know I'm not good enough and you can treat me anyway you want... to one that says... I am a person who respects myself.

It's going to take time before you can get a nice, clean signal. Mary isn't suddenly going to stop her insecurity overnight -- there will be static for a while. But the day will come when she'll erase it completely and be completely tuned into her true wonderful self.

When I couldn't tune into that radio show, I was initially miffed. But then I thought about how this was a perfect example of how I wasn't a good match for hearing a disturbing and violent story. The law of attraction was giving me exactly what I was a match for. Truth was: I'm just not a match for violence.

Is there something or some particular kind of person that keeps showing up in your life? What are you a match for?