THE BLOG
11/02/2014 12:16 am ET Updated Jan 01, 2015

How Not Understanding The Way Men Hear Your Words Could Be Ruining Your Dating Life

I want to ask you a question, ladies. Do you understand who the opposite sex really is and how they hear what you say? A common misconception is that the opposite sex will react to life the same way you would.

A friend and I used to laugh that the men we were looking for were really women's personalities in men's bodies. Back then, I didn't know how true our little joke was. You see, when women go out into the dating world, they are looking for a handsome man who will be their best friend.

Conversely, I've spoken with enough men to know that they'd be thrilled to have a beautiful woman on their arm who would have a few beers, watch sports with them and not talk a lot. This means they're looking for men's personalities in women's bodies to share their lives with.

This creates a huge disconnect between the sexes. And that's why I want to share with you a couple of secrets about both men and women that can totally change your dating and relationship life.

As a woman, you need to be able to verbally share your life with someone. You literally must have a safe place to dump what you are feeling. Otherwise, you start feeling overloaded and overwhelmed with life. Once you get the emotions out, you feel like a new person and life seems brighter.

The person you want to release these emotions to is... the man in your life.

When you do...what often happens?

You get frustrated because you want him to listen and all he seems to want to do is fix the problem for you. But you don't need it fixed. You just want to be heard and acknowledged because that's what makes you feel better.

Men are wired to fix whatever they can for you so you'll feel safe and protected. When you process your day with a man, you're telling him lots of different stories and he can't figure out which ones he's supposed to fix to make you feel better. So his eyes glaze over and he tunes you out, which drives you crazy. Then you get mad.

Here's how to change that whole scenario. When you need to share a story, say this to the man in your life...

Can I have five minutes of your time to share this with you? I just need to talk. Nothing needs fixing but I sure would appreciate if you could listen.

This is so easy and simple and it will allow you to get the support you need from a man in the way you need it.

One of the most important things to a man is that a woman allows him to feel like the man he is. When you do, a man feels empowered and this feeling makes him want to step up and be all he can be for you.

Bringing out the best in a man is easy. What he really wants from you is your acceptance, admiration and approval of who he is, your appreciation for what he does for you, your respect for how he runs his life and your encouragement to keep doing it.

Criticizing and trying to change a man to be someone he is not brings out the absolute worst in him. He feels rejected, manipulated and controlled by you.

Then when he won't change, you start thinking maybe it's because he doesn't love you. The secret to dating and being in a relationship with a man is to accept him for who he is. If you can't do this, you'll want to move on.

Helping women understand men is a passion for me because I've seen the difference it can make in women's lives. Men literally fall over themselves to make you happy if they think you understand them.

Lisa Copeland is the Dating Coach who makes over 50's dating fun and easy. Find out more about how single men over 50 tick at www.FindAQualityMan.com.

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

PHOTO GALLERY
What Celebrity Women Have Learned About Dating