09/12/2013 06:12 am ET Updated Nov 12, 2013

5 Reasons Over 50's Dating Isn't Working

You Believe There Is Only One Soul Mate or Twin Flame For You

Hollywood has done a number on your psyche when it comes to romance and finding love.

Falling in love is easy. It's based on hormonal highs that make you feel like this special person in your life is magical and perfect for you.

Think of Jennifer Lopez and all the men she fell in love with. Once the high wore off, she moved on.

It's more important to fall in LIKE because once the magic wears off after 6 to 18 months. What's left is the life the two of you will build together.

You Must Have Immediate Chemistry To Date

Chemistry is nice but let's face it... hot attraction is based on the need to mate and make babies.

Our DNA has it engrained to find the most beautiful and the strongest man or woman out there so our babies would have the best chance of surviving back in the caveman days.

Sex is very much alive after 50, it just doesn't happen as often as it did when you were younger.

Both sexes can have sexual issues and even when attraction is there, the type of performance you did when you were younger is rarely sustainable at this age.

More important than chemistry will be the companionship and the emotional support the two of you will give each other that will far outlast the initial chemistry as you age.

He/She Will Complete Me

Hollywood fooled you again in the movie Jerry McGuire when Tom Cruise tells the women he loves these three simple words, "You complete me!"

From that point on, men and women used this barometer as the measure for finding love.

The love of your life should complement you, not complete you. If they have to complete you, you're missing something in your own life that you're looking to have fulfilled by someone else.

After a while, this makes you appear needy because you must have the other person to make your life okay.

It's better when you each come into a relationship with your own interests and passions. These create a glow that is so appealing to the opposite sex.

Of course, having common interests is important too for sustaining a relationship over time, but it's your individual passion that will keep the relationship alive.

Only Wanting To Date The Beautiful People

The media has taught us to think a person is only valuable if they are beautiful or handsome. There's a belief that having a hottie on your arm raises your value to the world.

Especially after 50, a relationship is about far more than beauty. As you age, your looks will come from the inner glow of wisdom and feeling good about who you are today.

Beauty is lovely to look at but most of us need more depth than this to create a sustainable relationship. Don't you agree?

Look at all the beautiful people you read about who are constantly breaking up or divorcing. Could it be the outer glow has worn off, creating a desire to have something deeper?

Looking For Perfection

The casualty of divorce is you really don't want to fail again. So you start looking for the perfect person.

On a coffee date, instead of getting to know someone new and interesting, you interview them for the position of your next serious relationship.

If they have one thing missing from the imaginary list you're mentally checking off, you end the date and move on; never seeing them again.

When you were in your teens and 20s, you found relationships by hanging out. You didn't go on a first date trying to figure out if this man or woman was your next spouse. No, you spent time hanging out just enjoying each other's company. That's how you fell in love.

At this stage of the game, everyone comes with a ton of baggage that no one really wants to deal with. What's so wonderful about this time in your life is you can have all types of relationships with the opposite sex. Consider ending the traditional idea of having to marry as your goal.

Get out there and meet men and women who would be fun to have as a companion to hang out with. Most people over 50 are a little lonely and could use a new friend in their life.

You never know, the person you passed up as your next spouse on the coffee date could over time, turn out to be the greatest relationship of your over 50's life. All you have to do is give it a chance.

Lisa Copeland is the Dating Coach who empowers strong women over 50 to attract quality men. Find out more and download a free report, 5 Little Known Secrets To Finding A Quality Man, at

Earlier on Huff/Post50:

7 Reasons You Aren't Having Sex