She was a bombshell, the best looking mother on the block. Slim, curves in all the right places, a kick-ass smart blonde beauty with a sense of humor. She divorced early. When I was in my late 20s, I heard little stories seep out of all the fun she was having. What a concept! A woman doesn't need to just have one man. She can explore her own sexuality as she sees fit.
All these years later, this brilliant woman is proofreading my book. My mother gave this goddess (a friend from childhood) her copy and she is catching mistakes no one else has noticed.
We talked after she let me know he didn't "undue" my bra. She said, "You cornered the market." I wasn't quite sure what she meant. After she insinuated that it's better off I ended the relationship with FOG (my main male characters are named with metaphors), because he never gave me anything, I innocently asked her a question.
"In all your experiences, did you ever experience the sexual satisfaction and orgasms I have written about?" FOG never married me or gave me a wad of cash or kept me, but this man gave me over 325 hours of orgasmic bliss during our 14 years on and off. I didn't want to marry him, own him, or play out society's stamp of appropriate behavior because what was real between us was righteous enough in my mind.
She said, "No one ever cared about me and my experience of our union the way you got to feel it."
I heard a couple more stories I hadn't heard previously and was aghast at how women stretch themselves to receive satisfaction and so rarely get it. I wondered how many women bought leather whips, handcuffs, and blindfolds after reading 50 Shades with the hope that they would finally feel what they'd never felt before. I wonder how many actually experienced their own honest authentic orgasm, or just more angst about why they weren't feeling what they deep inside really wanted to feel?
My book has been self-published and available for over a month now. I have not promoted it. I have been getting used to having this new baby in my world. I finally gave birth but this was no nine-month pregnancy. This book took 27 years to live and then a full year to compile. I wrote it in between cancer treatments. It's always been such private material, I feared sharing it on a public platform. I wanted it just to get into the hands of those who would gain improvement in their life as a result of entering my world for a few minutes or days.
Hearing this woman's bitterness shocked me. She's going through her own physical battles and almost lost her life last month. She said, "It was almost like hanging on the edge of an orgasm, waiting and hoping. There's so much angst, desire and need all wrapped up into one emotion. In those moments, I just wanted to have a psychotic break. I was in so much pain and at least if I broke, I'd no longer feel the pain. I could sit in a rocking chair under a blanket, I could live out the rest of my days doing the primal grieving without really feeling the disturbance within anymore."
I remember what it is like to go for an orgasm but never get there. That was my experience in my 20s. Since then, thanks to many metaphors, I've learned how to slide right over the edge into ecstasy. That's why I needed to write my book. I was concerned that it was 503 pages. After listening to this sad unsatisfied but gorgeous guidepost I thought that's why this book had to be 500 pages. This was the story of a very intellectual person on an extremely physical journey that stirred up a whole lot of emotion that was wrapped around it. I needed 500 pages to explain what I learned and how it felt.
In the process of writing this book, my orgasm changed and deepened beyond what I thought was previously attainable. This is not a subject we should assume is too embarrassing to talk about. This is a subject that is our birth rite. Every woman deserves to step into greater satisfaction, and every man willing to walk with her will experience something previously unattainable. It's a win for both sexes.
My book is available on Amazon of course, but I'd love it if you would buy it at CreateSpace. I don't care about rankings or making millions. I care that women can learn to listen to themselves in the most private part of their heart. I have to go back into another cancer treatment, so if anyone wants to spread these words as wishes into the world of women, my blessings to you.