THE BLOG
01/06/2015 03:11 pm ET Updated Mar 08, 2015

When We Love Each Other More, What Happens?

"It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either." - Wayne Dyer

Lately, my cross-cultural married clients have been struggling with compatibility issues and tempers have been flying, so I've been reading a lot about how people struggle with anger issues. More often the anger people are feeling is toward people they deeply love -- we've all been guilty of it haven't we? Through my research, I found this parable, and I love the explanation of the reason why people shout in anger. See what you think:

A Hindu saint was visiting the River Ganges to take a bath and found a group of family members on the riverbank, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples, smiled and asked, "Why do people shout at each other when they are angry?" The disciples thought for a while, then one of them said, "Because when we lose our calm, we shout." "But why would you shout when the other person is right next to you? You can just as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner," asked the saint. The disciples gave some other answers but none of them were satisfactory to the rest of the group.

Finally the saint explained, "When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to cover that great distance. What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent, or very small."

The saint continued, "When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak; only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally, they need not even whisper, they only look at each other and that's all they need to do. That is how close two people are when they love each other." He looked at his disciples and said, "So when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant. Do not say words that distance each other more, or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return."

Indeed, let's not lose the tether that keeps our hearts connected to loved ones! A good way to release anger is deep breaths, counting to ten slowly, and writing about it in a journal.

Write down everything that is upsetting you and most importantly, why. Of course we know when we're angry, but do we really know why? More often it is because a need you have is not being met, so discovering what that need truly is will allow you to resolve your anger. You should also explain this to the person you're angry with so they know what your need is, which will give them the tools to fulfill it in the future.