THE BLOG
09/03/2014 05:18 pm ET Updated Nov 03, 2014

20 Things Single Dads Are Doing Wrong Online

I did it on a dare, I'm trying online dating. My best friend was sick of me recycling through my old flings and said I needed to join a dating site to find new prospects. I am a divorced mom and he suggested I try dating some single dads. I shifted through countless single dad profiles and had a hard time clicking "like" on any of them. I realized that men, who are new to the online market, need a little direction in the new age of online dating.

Single dads, if you want to attract a girl on any online dating site, please follow these tips:

No pictures of you:
from 20 years ago. Unfortunately, we can't go back in time and date you then, so it's pointless.
with your tongue out. Unless you're a member of KISS, it's not appropriate.
with celebrity wax figures. You're not original as one in four profiles have the same picture.
naked in the the mirror. No mystery left, just you holding your iPhone, striking a pose.
with a bathtub sized drink. Don't be proud that you can drink a lot.
with your hand under chin. It doesn't say smart or smart-ass, it says awkward.
in a cemetery. Why make a girl think of dead people when she thinks of you.
as a kid. You could've been the cutest kid in the universe, but we're not pedophiles.
with your better looking friends. Don't make us guess which one is you, as our eyes will automatically go to the hottest guy. Hopefully, it's you, but if not, NEXT.
with your ex-girlfriend. Seeing you with another woman isn't a turn on.
with your kids. We are not going to go on a date just because you have adorable kids. Plus, it seems safer to keep your kids (and your relative's kids) pictures off the internet in general.

If you want a girl to respond to you DON'T:
ask to marry the girl in the first message. The only thought is, "He needs a green card."
put up pictures of just your animals. Go to DateMyPet.com if you can't control yourself.
talk about how your cat is your best friend. Even if it's a joke, it's weird.
write that you want to kiss the girl's thighs. That's an immediate delete.
say you are batman or superman or any superhero. If you were, you wouldn't be online.
don't become negative. If a girl doesn't respond don't write, "What, you hate me now?"
ask if the girl wants to see your shower pictures. Be a gentlemen and not a pervert. Don't keep asking for more pictures of the girl either, as we think you're doing something naughty with them.
immediately start calling the girl sweetheart. That's a forced sense of closeness and it's condescending to women.
lie about your age. Guys say that they do this because they don't want older women hitting them up. BINGO! Forty-year-old women don't want 70-year-old men hitting them up either, unless it's a sugar daddy situation, and there are specific websites for that. So to you older men out there, don't hit on women half your age on normal dating sites. Just because you die your white hair brown, and it turns out a reddish color, doesn't mean you're a redhead.

If you are nervous to start a profile (like I was) it's much easier than you think. You don't have to write a book (please don't) just be honest. I was expecting to see more people I know (thankfully I didn't) but if you do, they are just trying to find "the one" too. When you first sign up you will be considered "fresh meat" (that's what I've been told by experts) and will be inundated with messages, if you follow the above tips. It's good to be open-minded, (I've never dated single dads before) but you do need to be attracted to the person (no handlebar mustaches for me).

It's easy to write bold things when you're hiding behind your computer screen. Remember, this is a first impression and the old saying goes, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." Don't try to be what you think someone else wants. The quickest way to find a like-minded person is to be yourself and post a simple straight-on picture of you smiling. No sunglasses or blurry photos as it implies you have something to hide. The most important thing is to not take it personally if a girl doesn't respond to you. You could be the sweetest guy in the world and there's always gonna be someone who likes sour better.