"IF YOU cannot get rid of a family skeleton, you may as well make it dance," said George Bernard Shaw.
• OR HAVE it attack you in an elevator. Now that Beyonce, Jay-Z and Bey's sister Solange have addressed -- with love and caring -- that little altercation between Jay-Z and Solange caught on an elevator security camera, perhaps it is the time to address how we all know about it and what can be done?
A hotel employee stole the video and sold it to TMZ, for a reported $250,000. That employee has been fired. Big deal! He (or she) has a quarter of a million dollars to weep into.
How about Jay-Z and Beyonce filing suit against the thief? With this proviso. Donate your ill-gotten gains to charity and we'll drop the lawsuit. Refuse and we will keep you in court and up to your ears in lawyers fees until every dollar of that video cash is drained -- and then some.
There has to be some accountability for such things. Social media types and the public at large might not have much sympathy for the problems and privacy invasions of the rich and famous, but these problems and invasions are real and painful and -- I know this is hard to believe -- celebrities are actual human beings, with feelings, no matter how some of them might behave.
And in the matter of Jay-Z and Beyonce, this married couple has always behaved quite well. I think this is the only scandal that has ever touched them. And it wasn't even of their creation.
• SPEAKING OF celebrity behavior, here's a note I received from someone who attended the big Barbara Walters fete last week and ran into Alec Baldwin. The assessment: "He's approachable and personable, which makes his troubles even sadder."
Indeed, when you meet Alec one-on-one, you'd never believe he is the man of the newspaper tales.
• GOOD NEWS for Cher fans -- the enduring icon has added 14 new dates to her wildly successful "Dressed To Kill" tour, including two shows at New York's Madison Square Garden. Cher recently performed in Brooklyn, but you can't let true Manhattan-ites down. She had to come back. And she always will -- again, and again and again.
• GOOD NEWS for Broadway -- the divine Glenn Close will return to the Rialto in Edward Albee's "A Delicate Balance." Co-starring John Lithgow, Martha Plimpton, Lindsay Duncan, Bob Balaban and Claire Higgins. It's a limited engagement, 18 weeks only. Opening night is November 20th at the Golden Theater.
November, so -- you have plenty of time to arrange your tickets, book the babysitter, etc. As excellent as Miss Close is onscreen, she is even more so in the flesh.
• BAD NEWS for, well, the world. After Kim Kardashian and Kanye West marry at a massive fortress in Italy, they will be allowed to leave. Can't somebody set the moat on fire? (This, of course, doesn't jibe with our previous "celebs are human too!" But as Emerson said, consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.)
• ALTHOUGH I often kvetch about computer technology and some lingering ineptness in certain tasks, one of the things I do like are receiving "links" of performances and interviews I have missed. Last week I was sent a clip of Blondie singing "One Way or Another" on "The Daily Show." The band sounds great, Deborah Harry sounds and looks amazing. (She is another example of doing it "right" when it comes to stopping the hands of time.)
The band is promoting their coming album "Blondie 4(0) Ever" and will tour. 24 dates so far.
• MAIL! We received lots of thank-yous for alerting people to the Mitzi Gaynor special that Turner Classic Movies ran recently. Miss Gaynor still has a lot of fans out there.
The response to our thoughts on Monica Lewinsky were as I expected -- mixed. Some thought we were too harsh, others not harsh enough, others thought we were like Goldilocks -- "just right."
It is impossible not to feel sympathy for this young woman who cannot escape her past, or isn't allowed to, or won't allow herself that mercy.
On the other hand, I also have a lot of sympathy (and admiration) for the "other woman" in Lewinsky's tale, Hillary Clinton. Not just for what happened so many years back, but what's happening now. It's a salient peek at what Mrs. Clinton will face if she does run for president. Her conservative foes accused her of faking a concussion to get out of talking about Benghazi. Now they insist her concussion (the one she faked) makes her a risky choice for a candidate.
It would funny if it so wasn't. The antics of Karl Rove actually defeated Texas Gov. Ann Richards -- as seen so aptly in HBO's current documentary, "All About Ann." Mr. Rove's exaggerations and character assassinations have far-reaching influence for democracy.
• ENDQUOTE: "We'll hike together. I'm always giving her flak, like, 'Babe, you can't wear your heels when you're hiking!' We've been painting a lot, too."
That's Taylor Kinney, the TV hunk of "Chicago Fire," talking about life with his lady -- Lady Gaga!
La Gaga hiking?! I think I'd pay more money to see that than to see her in concert!