THE BLOG
10/30/2014 09:03 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Have Yourself a Sexy Little Halloween

I love Halloween.

I love everything about it.

Love it, love it, love it.

I thank God that growing up, my parents always made the holiday super-special for my brother and me. They had huge Halloween parties -- Mike and I would sit on the stairs in our pajamas waiting for the doorbell to ring so we could take turns jumping up and answering it. We would squeal with laughter or fright as mom and dad's friends paraded down into the basement year after year.

Much attention was paid to decorating our house with cardboard cutouts, spiderwebs and pumpkins, watching Halloween TV specials, doing the Mash ("The Monster Mash") and, of course, finding the perfect costume.

As I journeyed into adulthood, the Halloween costume was still important and necessary. And as the years have gone by, I have noticed something, as I'm sure you have as well -- scary costumes have been replaced.

Halloween is the perfect time of year for teenage girls, young adults and seemingly normal everyday women to turn themselves into sexy-something-or-others.

Sexy nurses, policewomen, cats, and French maids, sure -- these have all been around since I was a kid.

But here are a few more recent additions to the "sexy" category under costumes that confuse me. They confuse me a lot. And make me laugh. And then confuse me some more.

So... I'm not sure why you would want to dress up like a sexy Tin Man, or Elmo or Scooby Doo -- but if you doobie doobie doo, there certainly is a costume out there for you.

Sexy Straitjacket.

Because you are crazy. Crazy sexy. And also, you have no legs.

2014-09-22-Sexystraightjacketcostume.jpg

Sexy Crayon.

Perfect. That's it. The perfect costume. I am going to be a sexy crayon. I mean, how many times have you heard a woman say "I sure hope there are no other Sexy Purple Crayons at the big costume party tonight!"

2014-10-30-YandyCrayon.jpg

Christmas Sweetie.

I just can't imagine someone saying, "You know what I want to be for Halloween? SANTA CLAUS. A sexy Santa Claus"

2014-10-30-YandyChristmasSweetie.jpg

Grease Good Sandy.

The costume is actually called "Grease Good Sandy." Now...if she's good, then why is she slutty? And what have they done with "Grease Bad Sandy?" Jeez, she must be really bad.

2014-09-22-Greasegoodsandy.jpg

Struck by Luck Reversible Leprechaun/Cupid.

Because nothing says Halloween like a Leprechaun costume. That can change halfway through the evening into a Cupid costume. That resemble in no way shape or form, a leprechaun or a cupid. Happy Halloween!

2014-09-22-LeprachaunCupid.jpg

Sexy Banana.

Oh God.

2014-09-22-Sexybanana.jpg

Pink Highlighter.

It says "HIGHLIGHTER" down the side so everyone will know what the hell you are.
2014-09-22-PinkHighlighter.jpg

Aunt Samantha.

You guys, there is nothing sexier than a girl-Uncle-Sam on October 31st.

2014-09-22-AuntSamantha.jpg

Bert and Ernie.

This is a picture of me and my best friend Laura last Halloween. We look pretty good, although I can't believe how fat I look, yeesch.

2014-10-30-Yandyberternie.jpg

Sexy Hamburger.

I mean I love a good hamburger, but come on... do you really want some jerk following you around all night saying, "Nice buns!" No, you don't. Or maybe you do. I don't know, this is just a bad costume. Even this model thinks it's stupid, she's all like, "I'm a hamburger, what do you want from me?"

2014-10-30-Yandyburger.jpg

I'm planning my costume for this year and I'm thinking I'm probably not going with one of the ones above. The year before last I was Joan from Mad Men who to me, even though she's all covered up, is way sexier than a crayon, a banana, or even a hamburger.

Lori's website, Drawn to the 80s, is where her 5 year old draws the greatest music hits of the 1980's. A version of this post originally appeared on her blog, Once Upon a Product.

Check out some more clever Halloween costumes for women here.

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