01/04/2013 06:49 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Weeklings! : The Real New Year's Resolutions (VIDEO)

Stop it with your awful promises and vows for 2013. Here are a few rules for making new year's resolutions:
  • No one cares that you want to exercise.
  • No one cares that you want to diet.
  • No one believes anything about you.
  • You're friendless.
  • 2013 is moving on without you. Bye.

In other words, the dawn of the new year is a time when we pretend to have perspective on our shortcomings when what we really have is post-holiday burnout and the nerve to complain about it. In this edition of Weeklings!, I announce the gay-ish resolutions I'm making, and maybe you'll subscribe to them, too. Wait till you see what's on my "reading" list.


You can find previous Weeklings! episodes here.