Love is the inherent intimacy of all experience, in which a subject and an object are never found. Love is not a special relationship; it is the natural condition of all relationship. -- Rupert Spira
What of just loving for the pure joy of loving without any expectation or attachment to how it's all going to work out? Is such an intention counterintuitive to our human nature?
Here is Will Shakespeare's take on the subject: Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.--
Oh, just to revel in the pure, uncensored wonder of love without all of the wicked "impediments" associated with the phenomenon -- including those attachments and expectations. How can we drop all of the external chatter that distracts us from remembering that "love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds?" Is it even possible to avoid some of the predictable patterns and pitfalls that interrupt our full capacity to love and be loved?
It is a proven, scientific fact that human beings utterly thrive on connection. Why then are we so often plagued with resistance to those we love, which will repeatedly hi-jack our chances for intimacy? Research reveals that despite our position on the food chain hierarchy, our species continues to be heavily influenced by a persuasive primal authority. And of course there is the stronghold of our subconscious conditioning just in this life and bodysuit to consider. We are a walking microbial factory of over 600 trillion cells, replete with all of our savage, reptilian beginnings. And even though we have an enormous capacity for love and caring, just the ability to love and be loved is a relatively new occurrence on the continuum of our evolutionary progression.
So when you are triggered by someone else's behavior (or they by yours), consider that neurons are being fired in your brain in microsecond circuitry that can cause you (or them) to react. Something is going on in your system that is below the radar of your conscious mind. Such activity was designed for your survival, not for you to experience love and intimacy. Nonetheless, Dr. Bruce Lipton, developmental biologist has proven in his research that, even though ninety-five percent of our behaviors are subconsciously driven, this phemonenon can change with awareness.
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. --Carl Jung
So how, then, can we become aware? From everything I have discovered over a long life and career, if you want things to improve in your world -- follow the wise words of Carl Jung, by "looking into your own heart." If you think you have the power to influence or "fix" someone else, you are delusional. (I know from experience.) And should you see him/her as the "problem" realize that you have a part in whatever is going on. Your one and only job is to discover that part and focus there. When you are triggered and your "buttons are buzzed" you have an opportunity to unlock your unconscious databank by choosing to stop yourself before reacting (you gotta muster up some discipline here), and take a "look into your own heart."
The triggering event has just delivered a memo to your conscious mind that something is up. The practice of being alert to a disturbance -- taking a breath, stepping back, and stopping yourself before you go with your initial response -- is an art form, which must be cultivated with patience and persistence. Even so, If you stick with it, you and your glorious heart will eventually become the authority over that subconscious stew brewing in your brain. And when that happens, instead of those neurons in your head firing up a bunch of cortisol (the stress "fight or flight" hormone), you will be enhancing your chances for balance, equanimity, and well being.
Heaven only knows what is going on in the other. It likely has nothing at all to do with you even though it can feel quite personal at times. I know it sounds utterly absurd to consider responding with love and compassion when you have just felt whacked over the head -- either metaphorically or otherwise. Even so, ponder this, if you will. The feeling of love (even just for yourself) stimulates oxytocin (the love chemical), dopamine (the happiness neurotransmitter), serotonin (a balancing element) and opiates (giving you a natural high). Too much coritsol (full on survival mode) suppresses your immune system and interrupts the potential for the other four chemicals to be influential. And of course, we all know that stress is the number one cause of disease -- both physical and emotional.
Having shared all of the above, please know this. I am a work in progress. I cannot tell you of the untold hours I have spent attempting to identify those things in my life I need to be aware of, work on, and change -- and how often I have fallen short from being an ambassador for love. Even so, I fully believe the effects of my intention to love and be loving are cumulative. Regardless of my pitfalls and peculiarities, when I can really look into my heart, I will see past all of my shortcomings and witness my own true nature, which is the point of origin for "the natural condition of all relationships," LOVE. And I am that "natural condition." All I have to do is keep uncovering it.
Trust in your immediate embodied experience and allow the wisdom of your heart to guide you home.--Matt Licata
If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
Wishing you love!