About a year ago, I read the hilarious Jason Good's "46 Reasons My Three Year Old Might be Freaking Out." After reading this, I thought it would be funny to do a similar list, only told from a preschooler's perspective. (Don't worry, I ran the idea past Jason, and he was cool with it.) Many of these I have experienced firsthand; others I'm not 'fessing up to personally -- like Jason, we'll just call them educated guesses. I know I can't do the original justice, but here you go:
46 Reasons My Mom or Dad Might Be Freaking Out
1. I'm constantly freaking out about something. OK, anything and everything.
2. I'm eating my boogers. And my sister's.
3. I ate an entire box of Raisinets while mommy was in the shower.
4. I have explosive diarrhea and it's getting on everything.
5. I keep touching my explosive diarrhea.
6. I've spilled my milk for the sixth time today. And it's not even lunchtime yet.
7. I'm chewing some gum I found stuck to the chair at the Walgreens pharmacy.
8. I've started modeling my behavior after Caillou.
9. I took off all of my clothes 30 seconds before we were supposed to leave for daycare.
10. I ate the last Samoa Girl Scout cookie.
11. I took a permanent marker to the couch.
12. I won't stop blowing a whistle.
13. I dunked daddy's phone in a big glass of iced tea.
14. I ran out into the parking lot chasing a leaf.
15. I puked all over the dog.
16. I accidentally called 911 from mommy's cell phone. Again.
17. I flooded the bathroom while giving my dinosaurs a bath.
18. I spilled nail polish on the beige carpet.
19. I'm drinking milk from a sippy cup we lost four days ago.
20. I'm playing in the cat's litter box.
21. I trapped my brother in the dryer and now he's stuck in there.
22. I smeared peanut butter and jelly all over the TV screen.
23. I fed my 8-month-old brother some rocks.
24. I locked my mommy out of the house.
25. I'm not sure if that's chocolate or poop I just smeared on my sister's shirt.
26. I kept pushing buttons and erased a month's worth of stuff on the DVR.
27. I ate one of those packets I found in a shoe box.
28. I keep sneaking sips of water from the bird bath.
29. I put my finger in the cat's butt.
30. I left the freezer door open and no one noticed for a few hours.
31. I ripped the pages out of mommy's first edition of Where the Wild Things Are.
32. I keep shouting "penis" as we walk through the grocery store.
33. I like to put coins in the car air vents.
34. I pulled all of the stuffing out of one of the couch cushions.
35. I shoved three peas up my nose and one in my ear.
36. I deleted daddy's Clash of Clans account.
37. I threw my shoe out of the car window.
38. I kicked my dad in the nuts.
39. I snuck a diaper into the washing machine.
40. I keep trying to use a plastic bag as my superhero mask.
41. I stepped on the CD that had all of the pictures from our vacation on it.
42. I pulled off all of the tops from the Keurig k-cups.
43. I thought my mommy's hemorrhoid cream was an acceptable alternative to toothpaste.
44. I smashed all of my goldfish into my car seat and then dumped my apple juice on top.
45. I keep teasing my sister and making her scream. Because I can.
46. I found some funny-looking toys in mommy and daddy's bedroom.
So, what's on your list?