So you've just found out that your friend or family member is struggling with an eating disorder. You want to be supportive, but you're not sure what to say, and before you know it, your friend is defensive and angry or (perhaps worse) completely shut down. What went wrong?
The fact is, eating disorders are complex mental illnesses. Without a basic understanding of how an eating-disordered mind works, you can easily stumble into trouble. As someone with a long history of personal struggle, I've used my insight to compile a list of the most common mistakes people make in this area.
The Top 10 Worst Things to Say to Someone With an Eating Disorder
- Why do you do that to yourself? There are many causes that feed into eating disorders, including cultural, emotional, and physical factors. Chances are, your friend or loved one isn't happy about the thoughts and behaviors holding him or her hostage. This kind of question feels like an accusation, and immediately puts people on the defensive.
The bottom line: If you can't think of anything to say, just listen. Ask open-ended questions about the important things: How do you feel about the eating disorder? Does anybody else know about it? What are your biggest fears about getting help? What can I do to support you? You might be surprised by the responses you get.