08/03/2012 02:51 pm ET Updated Oct 03, 2012

Four Life-Changing Words

I've begun using the most extraordinary and simple phrase. It is giving me great peace and a sense of empowerment. It is simply, "I don't want to." This is not about being belligerent or shunning our responsibilities. It's certainly not about breaking agreements or being out of integrity.

It is about being clear about who you are, what your gifts are. It's a form of saying no more to what's no longer true so you can say yes to what brings you joy, to what is aligned with your mission, purpose and dreams.

I am experiencing a level of relaxation that is new for me. It comes from trust and begins with self trust. In order to dream big dreams, we must take risks, in order to take risks we must trust ourselves and one of the critical ways to build self-trust is to honor your agreements with yourself.

This begins with knowing who you are, what you value and what matters to you. And what doesn't.

Practice saying "No."

We spend too much time saying yes, when the truth is, sometimes we just plain don't want to. Of course, we don't always have a choice. If your children need you or you are under a critical deadline, you don't always have a choice. But when you do have an option, if someone asks you to do something and in your heart it's not true for you, I encourage you, with love, compassion, perhaps even a light heart and a sense of humor, to stand in your truth and say, "I don't want to."

On a daily basis we can be pulled in so many directions with many opposing needs and agendas. Here are a few, "I don't want tos," I heard just this week:

  • Help a neighbor move
  • Go to my in-laws
  • Punish or judge myself for having dessert
  • Get or give someone something out of obligation
  • Exhaust myself
  • Change my schedule to accommodate someone else's schedule
  • Wait for someone who's consistently late

Replace I don't want to with things you choose, or better yet with nothing. Why do we feel like we always have to be doing "something"? Instead of over-committing to others, enjoy some true down time. Empty, nap, sleep late and rest easy by doing nothing.

Give yourself the gift of time and support while deepening your self-trust and ask the support of the people around you to do or discover what you love... Unless, you don't want to.

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