05/19/2014 05:40 pm ET Updated Jul 19, 2014

Attracting the Love of Your Life

Are you single and ready for a loving relationship? Do you deeply desire to attract the love of your life?

We attract people at our common level of woundedness or health. What this means is that if you want to attract a kind, loving, caring, compassionate, empathic, happy, alive, passionate, fun, reliable and available person, you need to be all these things yourself.

Are you all these things? Since unhappy people attract other unhappy people and create unhappy relationships, and happy people attract other happy people and create happy relationships, it is up to you to do the inner growth work you need to do to attract the partner of your dreams.

What do you need to do? Learn to love yourself! This is the key to becoming a happy, alive and available person. Here's why:

People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves. When we ignore our own feelings and needs, and when we judge ourselves, and when we turn to various addictions to avoid feeling our painful feelings, we are rejecting ourselves, loathing ourselves, abandoning ourselves. This gets reflected in how others treat us.

It's easy to say, "Love yourself," but what does this mean and how do you do it?

Learning How To Love Yourself
Imagine that you have a small child who is exactly like you were as a small child. Imagine that you adore this child -- that you love his or her sweetness, goodness, caring, curiosity, innocence and sense of wonder. If you loved your child and wanted to be a loving parent to your child, would you ignore your child's feelings and needs? Wound you harshly judge your child for who he or she is? Would you give the child alcohol, drugs, nicotine or food instead of caring about the child's feelings and attending to the child's needs? No, of course not.

If you wanted to be a loving parent, you would listen to the child's feelings when he or she was upset. You would take action to meet the child's needs or help the child meet his or her own needs. You would encourage the child's efforts rather than withhold love when the child made mistakes. You would be kind, caring and compassionate toward the child rather than judgmental.

Now imagine that this same child is within you -- your inner child. You are the mom and dad for the child within you -- the feeling part of you. Your inner child often communicates with you through feelings, just as a baby communicates with his or her parents through feelings. The baby cries and you know that he or she needs food, changing, love or soothing. The same thing is true on the inner level. When you feel anything other than peace inside, it means that it's time to open to learning about how you might be treating yourself that is causing some upset, and what your inner child needs to feel loved by you.

Learning to love yourself also means that you learn to tap into a personal source of higher guidance that can guide you in what would be loving to you -- in what would be in your highest good. When you really want to know what is loving to you and you ask with genuine curiosity, ideas will naturally pop into your mind -- just as it does with actual parents who genuinely want to know what their baby needs. The answers are there, just waiting for you to genuinely ask.

As you learn to love yourself, you become happier, kinder, more caring and more compassionate, and you start to attract happy, kind and caring people.

If you are ready to attract the love of your life, then first become all you want the love of your life to be. Then you will be amazed at what happens!

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships." This course starts June 25, 2014.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Relationships Course: "Loving Relationships: A 30-Day at-Home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul - For partnered individuals & couples, & people who want to be partnered." This course starts August 6, 2014.