12/15/2014 09:20 pm ET Updated Feb 14, 2015

Do You Make Others Your Higher Power?

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One of the things I always tell my clients is, "Don't give your authority away to me. Don't assume that I know more about you than you do, or more about what is right for you than you do." Of course, even though I say this, it doesn't mean that this is what people always do.

The ego wounded self in many people wants to think that someone else can give you the love you need, fill up your emptiness, make you feel safe, and define your worth. The wounded self thinks if you give yourself up and try to be the way you think someone else wants you to be, you can get the love and attention you need to feel worthy, and the approval you think you need to feel safe.

Unfortunately, there are many people, also operating from their ego wounded selves, who want you to give up your authority, to define yourself know what is right for you, to them. Whether it is a teacher, a parent, a spouse, a friend, a guru, a therapist, or a doctor, anyone who professes to know more than you about what is right for you is not coming from love. A good teacher can guide you and help you find your own answers, but if that teacher professes to have all the answers for you, he or she is posing as your higher power and is not supporting your highest good.

When you are looking for someone to take responsibility for your safety, self worth and well being, you may find someone willing to take on the job -- at a huge price. The price for you is your compliance, your loss of self. The price for the person who wants authority over you is the feeling of loneliness that comes from the lack of equality that results when you give your power away. I have never been able to understand why someone would want this power over another when it is so lonely. I've counseled two different "gurus" who consulted with me because of feeling so lonely. This will always be the consequence to someone who wants power over others -- who wants to be your higher power.

I often have clients who think I want this authority over them and try hard to say and do what they think I want them to say or do. The way that I know this is happening is the lonely feeling I get when someone is not coming from his or her own essence and integrity. When others give up their power to me, putting themselves aside to try have control over how I think and feel about them, I cannot feel and experience them. My lonely feeling lets me know that this person is not being authentic and has given over authority to me. This lonely feeling is useful to me when I'm working with a client -- it gives me much information about what state this person is in. But it certainly is not a feeling I'm willing to have very often with family and friends. The best feeling in the world is spending time with people who are solid in their own sense of self and don't want anything from me other than to share love with me.

This solid sense of self can never come from another person. It comes when you develop your spiritual connection, and take on the responsibility of creating an inner sense of safety, of defining your own worth and lovability, of filling yourself with love, and of eventually reaching the place where you would rather lose others than lose yourself.

The key in not giving away your authority to others is in accessing the Higher Authority that is always here for you. The more you open to learning with your spiritual Guidance, them more you get the experience that your Guidance is here for you, loves you, and is supporting the highest good of your soul at all times. The more you have this experience, the more you know that no person on the planet knows more about what is right for you than your Guidance. The more you practice tuning into and learning from your feelings, the more you can feel what is right and wrong for you. When you reach the point where you feel and honor what is right for you, and you trust the guidance you are receiving, you will never again give over your power and authority to another person.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

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