Elaina consulted with me because she felt filled with shame. A beautiful woman with a highly successful career, two children and a loving husband, Elaina was perplexed regarding why she still felt filled with shame.
"I've done so much work on myself, yet I can't seem to heal this shame. I hope you can help me."
As Elaina spoke about her childhood, I was amazed at the miracle of this person I was experiencing. Her father was never around, and her mother seemed to hate her. Her mother took every opportunity she could to shame and humiliate Elaina.
Elaina had always wondered why her mother did this more to her than to her other two siblings. As she spoke, I knew exactly why. The person sitting with me was filled with love and light. I knew, from what she said of her mother, that her mother was threatened by Elaina's light because she saw herself as a shameful and very flawed being, filled with darkness. She could not tolerate Elaina's goodness, so she took every opportunity to tear her down, projecting her own darkness on to Elaina.
Elaina had, of course, absorbed her mother's view of her. This is what we do as children. We cannot maintain our sense of ourselves when our parents can't see us or they see us as the opposite of what we really are. I know from personal experience how very painful this is, because my parents could never see me either.
Elaina was seeing herself through the eyes of her wounded self -- her ego, her false self -- which was patterned after her mother. She constantly shamed, judged and blamed herself the same way her mother had. She believed she was the flawed being her mother said she was.
Elaina could not see her true Self -- her core, her essence, her Divine inner child -- as long as she was looking at herself through the eyes of her wounded self.
"Elaina, was there anyone in your childhood who loved you?"
"Yes, my grandmother, but she died when I was 7."
"Please imagine that your grandmother is with you right now, in spirit. Can you do this?"
"Yes, it's easy for me to imagine her. I often imagine her."
"Great! Now, please imagine that your grandmother is looking at you as a small child. What does she love about you? How would she describe you if she were bragging about you to someone?"
"Humm... well, I think she loved my curiosity and playfulness."
"She thought I was smart and creative."
"I think she loved how kind and caring I was. I was a very empathic and intuitive child. I still am."
"So your true Self is curious, playful, smart, creative, kind, caring, empathic and intuitive. Is there anything about her that doesn't deserve love? Is there anything wrong with her?"
"Yet you are allowing the wounded part of you -- the part of you patterned after your mother -- to constantly tell her that she isn't good enough."
"Oh my goodness! There is nothing wrong with her! There never was anything wrong with her! She has always been good enough! Oh, I'm so sorry I've been saying this to her all these years!"
A huge smile broke out on Elaina's face when she finally saw herself through the eyes of truth rather than through her mother's eyes.
Elaina had never taken loving care of herself because she didn't think she was worth taking care of. She had always been very caring toward others but never toward herself. Now, as a result of seeing her beautiful essence, she felt the deep desire to learn to be loving to herself. Her beautiful inner child let out a sigh of relief.
Do you see yourself? If you think there is something wrong with you, that you are flawed or that you are not good enough, not adequate enough, then try doing what Elaina did. Try seeing yourself through the eyes of love rather than through the eyes of whoever shamed you as a child. Hopefully, when you see the truth about your intrinsic beauty and goodness, you will be motivated to take loving care of yourself.
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