11/01/2013 04:40 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Are You Manifesting Your Dreams?

Most of us have heard a lot about the law of attraction, yet many people seem unable to manifest what they want. Is there a secret to manifestation?

Yes! In fact, there are a number of secrets to manifesting your dreams.

Secrets of Manifestation

1. Know What You Want
We can't manifest unless we know what we want. Whether it's about wanting a relationship or a child, or wanting success in work/career, or wanting to pursue a hobby, or wanting to feel safe and worthy -- you need to have a clear picture of what you want.

Be specific. For example, a few years ago we wanted to move to a different city and I wrote down everything I wanted in a new home. When we finally sold our house, there was almost nothing available for sale where we wanted to live. This was challenging, since we have two dogs and two horses and there was also nothing to rent. We saw house after house that didn't come close to what we wanted. Finally, there was only one house left on the market that seemed to have some of what we wanted. We bought it and it turned out to have 99 percent of what was on our list! Amazing how spirit works!

2. Have Faith
It's not always easy to have faith -- which means knowing that spirit is always supporting your highest good. I wanted to move four years ago, and it took that long to sell our house. But now I see that, for many different reasons, it was the perfect time to move. I can't always know what is in my own highest good, but most of the time I have faith that my higher power knows what is best for me.

3. Detach Your Happiness and Self-Worth From the Outcome
Manifestation occurs most easily when we are in the frequency of inner peace, happiness, joy and a deep sense of self-worth. It's much harder to manifest when we are in the frequency of fear, anger, anxiety, depression and/or shame. It is therefore vital that you detach your sense of well-being from the outcome of your dreams.

This does not mean that you let go of your dreams and goals. With my clients, there is often confusion between having goals, and attaching their happiness and worth to their goals. Having goals is vital for manifestation -- you have to know where you want to go to get there. At the same time, you need to be living in the frequency of well-being, so you can't attach your well-being to achieving your goals.

If your sense of safety, worth and happiness are attached to achieving your goal, then you are defining your worth by your achievements rather than by who you really are -- which is love. There is a huge difference in your sense of well-being between defining your worth, safety and happiness by the outcome -- by your achievements -- or by your intrinsic qualities of love, caring, compassion, kindness, intelligence, creativity, aliveness, joy and integrity.

4. Maintain Connection and Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
Living in the frequency of manifestation means maintaining a connection with your feelings and your spiritual Guidance, and taking responsibility for your own feelings. When you avoid responsibility for your own feelings, you may be in the frequency of being a victim, which makes it very hard to manifest.

Maintaining a connection with spirit means staying open to learning about what is most loving to you and others in any given moment. Choosing to be open to learning opens the heart, which is what allows spirit to manifest through you.

5. Make Effort -- Take Loving Action

Manifesting does not mean sitting around waiting for spirit to bring you what you want. It means that you are disciplined to take the actions you need to take to eventually bring about your dreams. It means staying connected with your passion for what you want, and with your higher power, and putting forth the effort -- the loving actions -- that you are guided to take.

If you look around at people who are manifesting their dreams, chances are they are naturally making the above choices. While some people can manifest financial success through bullying -- using and controlling others -- manifesting in this way does not bring inner peace and joy. We can never feel truly happy when the means we are using to get what we want are hurtful to others. The means does not justify the end.

To learn how to take responsibility for your feelings and connect with spirit, take our free Inner Bonding course, and the Love Yourself 30-day at-home course).

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a relationship expert, best-selling author, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® self-healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette, and featured on Oprah. To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse, and join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships." Discover SelfQuest®, a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution computer program. Phone or Skype sessions with Dr. Margaret Paul.

Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Inner Bonding, and Facebook: SelfQuest.

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