ARRHGIHEIGUUGHHEIHGHEHEHHUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Sorry... Had to get that out...
RAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Whoops... still not done...
Ever feel like punching everyone in the face? Nope? That just me? Am I the only person who becomes consumed by a heinously, monstrous mood from time to time? I'm not kidding when I say that right now I hate everybody. Not you, of course. Yesterday, I went to pick up some groceries, and it took every ounce of my being not to scream at everyone in my way. Normally, I'm not like that. I can typically wait in line fairly laid back, but yesterday, everyone seemed to be a monumental moron at the checkout counter and moved in slow motion.
I feel like a pot of hot water about to boil over. I have had to bite my tongue and hold back from physically exploding on people who have been annoying me. The thing is, they're not the problem. They're not actually doing anything that annoying; it's just that I feel annoyed by them and everything they do for no rational reason. I'm the problem, and I realize that. Currently, I'm dealing with dizzy spells that feel like brain zaps due to withdrawals from my anti-depressant medication, along with severe PMS and seasonal depression. I know that these three things are gigantic assh*les and are the cause of my extreme bitchiness/emotional crumbling/dying inside.
I fully realize I should not be around others right now, for I fear they will be trampled by my rage. I've avoided talking to people on the phone because I don't want to snap on them irrationally, nor do I wish to spread my current negativity to them. (Sorry, Mom and Dad; I'm not avoiding you on purpose. I'm doing this for your own good.)
This too shall pass, right? It has to. Withdrawals have happened to me before. They have sucked tremendously in the past, but eventually they went away. I'm doing a natural regimen instead and already know that it's what I need to do right now. My period will be gone in less than a week, only to return in 28 days -- what a bitch. This seasonal depression -- well, I'm not totally sure what to do about it. I know it'll disappear when winter's hellish darkness has lifted, but I really don't want to wait that long. I'm working on it, I'm working on it...
What I do know, is that the more I try to stop feeling these negative feelings, the worse it gets. Guilt ensues, along with repression of my emotions, and it just gets messy. The best thing to do is to allow myself to feel what I feel, acknowledge it, and be mindful of what, how, and why I'm feeling the way I am. It's my perception of my reality that's affecting me, and there are other factors overtaking my emotions. I am aware. That awareness is like an invisible guide holding my hand letting me know that eventually I will be okay.
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