Metamorphosis Into Marriage

09/25/2014 12:36 pm ET Updated Nov 25, 2014

It's almost here -- my wedding day. I have been more than ready to marry my fiance for quite some time; he's the most amazing man on the planet, and I'm truly blessed to have him. The whole wedding thing, on the other hand, is a little more nerve-wracking. I haven't slept at all this week, and my IBS has been wreaking havoc on my intestines.

The idea of being the center of attention with all eyes on us while we are committing to an incredibly special and intimate transition in our lives makes my stomach churn. What makes my stomach churn even louder is having to be all fancy and crap in front of all these people. I don't do fancy. Nor do I wear white, so having to do both is overwhelmingly disconcerting. My fiance and I like to do things small, simply, casually, and spontaneously, which was what we had originally wanted for our wedding. Things have managed not to go that way. In a compromise with my mom, after much tug-of-war, we finally landed at my fiance and I doing our ceremony our way, and my mom doing the reception however she wanted. This has led us to a large, lavish, glamorous party at a banquet hall which I'm sure will be lovely and fun, but it just makes me cringe having to be the center of the spectacle. It's also not my style. Details like flowers that are going to die the next day simply don't matter to me. I don't give a sh*t. All I truly care about is marrying my man and becoming his wife.

That being said, I'm starting to realize that I'm about to start the next phase of my life. Truthfully, nothing much is going to change. My fiance and have lived together for years, we aren't going to have any kids of our own because I've got three awesome step-kids thanks to him, and we already refer to each other as husband and wife. The aspect that will change is my last name. No longer will it be Senise; it will be Vallejo. I love the sound of my full name with my new last name: Maria Concetta Vallejo; his name was made to fit mine. As I was getting my hair colored yesterday, my stylist and friend who married recently said something poignant to me. She told me it was liberating changing her last name; it was a goodbye to the past and everything associated with her former name and hello to a fresh new start. I never had thought of it that way, but she's right. I'm not ashamed of my past, but there is something freeing about the idea of having a clean slate. I'm becoming a wife at the same time I'm building up my new career. I'm legally and officially going to be my fiance's family. And I get to do this all with a brand new name. It feels like seeing the sun rise on a brand new day.

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