As we approached Brain Tumor Awareness Month (it's every May), I had coincidentally been posting about my own repeated misadventures in and recent return visit to brain-tumor land. Some of what I wrote or Tweeted about might have sounded a bit crotchety (the stress of having to negotiate with insurance companies and my confusion about mankind in general, for instance) or odd (admitting that I was coping with stress and lack of control by watching videos of brain surgeries on a questionable Indian hospital website), but it could have been worse.
Just as I found out, strangely, that dealing with surgery to remove a meningioma and the subsequent recovery is harder for me with a family than when I was on my own, I've also become grateful that I can use my brain during this period instead of simply resting. The National Brain Tumor Society notes that for people who do choose to return to work, "The challenges ... can help you move ahead on the road to recovery."
Work gives me a focus, a framework, a welcome distraction -- especially the work that feels good. One of the main projects helping me heal after my second craniotomy (the first was nearly six years ago) is to bring some healing to the families of the Sandy Hook tragedy. More than that: I credit this work with inspiring my recovery.
My agency, Havas PR North America, has gotten involved with the Emilie Parker Art Connection, founded by the family of one of the young victims. Newtown struck close to home -- my partner, Jim, and I also live in a supposedly safe Connecticut community -- and it's a cause I would have been glad to wholeheartedly support under any circumstances. But with everything going on in my head this winter and spring, I threw myself into it as deeply as possible.
The Parker family and others needed my skill set and connections to the media, and I needed them: The still-active aftermath of Sandy Hook galvanized me to push myself to recover faster to help them, and I gave them the redoubled efforts of a PR pro who was extra determined not to let a personal setback stand in her way. I even persuaded Jim to stop at Havas's Wilton, Conn., office on the way home from Massachusetts General Hospital two days after surgery so that I could see the team building the new Emilie Parker Art Connection website.
To be sure, I could have thrown myself into any number of projects at work or at home: I've always been an overachiever -- a type A-plus (and as Jim will attest, I am understating my intensity) -- and have always had trouble sitting still. I don't know what to do with a hammock. More likely, show me a hammock on a Thursday and by Tuesday I'll be importing hammocks and selling them to raise money for a Latin American village.
So taking a break from work just didn't make sense. What would I do? Who would I be if I did nothing, even for a day? For me, clock-watching isn't being. I had done that for 19 hours in the ICU, and even there I monitored my Blackberrys (yes, plural) relentlessly, provided unsolicited commentary to the Roman Catholic Church on its choice of a new leader and obsessed on the state of news coverage. Staying home and resting would have meant, well, just more time to watch those gruesome Indian videos.
Even though my surgery was a little over two months ago and I'm still technically on medical leave (I'm feeling much better, but the headaches can be paralyzing), I'm working as hard as ever. And thank heavens for that. Although the tumor has zapped my organizational skills, like the last time my entrepreneurial skills today (in addition to my hair) are intact and my media relations and negotiating skills are superlative.
A lifelong catnapper increasingly afflicted with insomnia, I pass the early morning hours thinking about new-business proposals, which relaxes me. When it was time to get the 50 sutures removed from my scalp, a procedure that could have been uncomfortable (to use one of the medical profession's favorite euphemisms), I was so distracted by client emails and budget proposals that I didn't even realize when the doctor was done.
About a week after surgery, in a moment of subtle levity (and clarity), I told Jim, who had by then returned to his classroom obligations at the University of Arizona, about an excursion I was making. I might have let him hear "CVS" instead of "CBS." So while he thought I was headed to the drugstore, I was instead at an inspiring CBS shoot with the amazing Parker family in Newtown as they told the story of their 100-day journey since the tragedy. (I bribed Jim's son to chauffeur me.)
And as with the Parkers and their eye on the future -- on creating a legacy for Emilie and working toward a goal of stopping more senseless tragedies -- my post-surgery clarity has led me to want to advocate for a better story for others. I was vigilant about getting regular scans after my first meningioma was successfully removed, so when my symptoms returned and then worsened, I dismissed them because my radiologists had given me the all clear. Three times. But they were obviously wrong. So I am here to passionately encourage listening to what your brain is saying and feeling, and to get a second opinion if you want to be sure.
No matter the trauma you face -- and we all will, because life is never trauma-free -- never underestimate the power of hard work, or working hard at your passion, to heal.