THE BLOG
01/04/2016 09:24 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

4 Traits You Need to Change Your Life

What I know for sure is you can take an ordinary, boring, disappointing, and overwhelming life and turn it into a fulfilling, purposeful, happy, exciting and pleasurable life.

You don't have to suffer and keep having the same challenges in your life day after day.

I hear people complaining and moaning about wanting more money, love, fun, time, energy, or pleasure in their lives, but I don't hear them talking about what they are doing to change their circumstances and steps they take to experiences the things they want more of. By the way, if you are interested in which category the majority of your needs/desires check out this interesting read on the 16 fundamental needs, values and drives that motivate a person -- "A theory of motivation" by Steven Reiss.

I was a complainer and out of touch with my true self. I had spent my life sacrificing myself for others when one day in my early forties I got a health wake-up call and decided something had to change. I didn't quite know how to change, but I was determined to find out. It's been more than 15 years since I made that commitment to myself and I've been consistently transforming my life and helping numerous clients do the same.

I want to share what I have learned, because I spent so much time doing research, meeting and talking to life coaches, reading books, taking courses and workshops. I was very pissed off when I found out that there was so much personal development knowledge and tools out there that could have saved me time, money, energy, self-abuse, struggle and anxiety had I known about them earlier. I actually believe children should be learning all this in school. Life skills and personal growth skills are among the most important tools for your life! (Did you know that Philosophy and Personal Development are very closely knit together? Philosophy means "Love of Wisdom" and learning life skills is at the root of personal development. Read More Here.) So I am hoping the information below, when you wrap your mind around it, will set you free and empower you to make changes that will greatly benefit you.

2016-01-01-1451644571-7655690-closeddoor.jpg Photo by Ondrej Supitar

Here are three blocks that STOP you from taking action to positively changing your life:

1. Your negative childhood programming.
2. Your perception that your problems/challenges are caused by something outside you.
3. Your fear.

1. Your Negative Childhood Programming.
Your childhood programming creates your perception of yourself. From 0-9 years old you form your positive and negative beliefs about yourself through your interactions with your environment (family, culture, religion, media, peers, schooling). You create core vows about how you promise to show up in order to survive and be part of your family, culture and tribe. You decide whether you are empowered or a victim.

(If you have trouble making enough money, see which childhood money vows are keeping you stuck.)

Your childhood programming also creates your perspective the world. From 0-9 years old you form your vision of the big world around you. Is the world a safe place? Is humanity good-natured or something to fear? Are there infinite opportunities to grow and succeed or only limited possibilities? Is the world an abundant place or very competitive? Is everything connected or separate?

Each of us has a unique vision of ourselves and the world. No two people will have the same experience of the world. Whatever you believe about you and your world you will make true as your reality.

2. Your Perception That Your Problems/Challenges Are Caused By Something Outside You.
The truth is your perception that your challenges are caused by something outside you is false. From our childhood programming we are conditioned to believe that our problems are caused by us not being good enough and things outside our control like our family, our partners, the government, the economy, and anything else you can think of.

Here lies the problem. When you think it is everybody else's problem there is nothing you can guarantee will change. You can try to change the government, your partner, career, and even move to a new place, but unless you change your perception of yourself and your world, nothing will change in your life.

Here is why, when you are not happy with your world your unhappiness is a reflection of your own perception of yourself. Your world is a reflection of how you see your world, what you believe about yourself and your world. Whether the world is safe for you or not. Whether there are infinite possibilities or limitations. Whether there is lack or abundance available to you. Whether you can receive rewards for your services or whether you have to sacrifice yourself. Is it safe to be you in the world or do you feel threatened?

Your unconscious beliefs are being projected out into your world and govern what you will experience and create in your life. You will create a life and world that you believe is true. Whatever you believe about you and the world, your unconscious mind will search it out for you to experience and to validate that you are right in believing what you do. "See, I told you the world is _________ because this is my reality." (Maybe lay off Facebook for a while and see if your happiness increases or decreases. Studies support both claims that Facebook makes us happier as well as using social media a lot will decrease happiness. Which claim is true for you? "How Facebook makes us unhappy.")

It is important for you to know that most of the programming playing out in your life is unconscious. You don't have to think about it. Your unconscious mind is doing all the work for you habitually. That is why it is important for you to become conscious of what is happening in your life that you no longer desire and you start using your courage, faith and will power to overwrite the old beliefs that no longer serve you.

(Learn how to manage your energy to empower yourself.)

3. Your Fear
It will take love, courage and faith to overcome your fears. As you fall in love and have compassion for the unique human-spirit you are, you will know your worthiness to be seen and heard as authentically you. It takes courage to show up in a new way and take new actions that don't feel comfortable or natural to you. It takes faith in knowing that what you change inside WILL have a positive impact on your life and the world.

Your ego and your unconscious mind don't like change, they would rather stay the same. Your ego thinks it is protecting you from pain and harm and the unconscious requires effort to reprogram. We either shrink our perception of ourselves, believing the judgments are true or we go into battle mode
of "I will show you..." and rebel.

Being willing to change takes knowing you are worth it, courage to make new choices, faith that you will be supported and receiving what you desire. Removing unwanted beliefs and vows allows your outer world to change, so that it aligns with what you have decided to create for yourself inwardly.

2016-01-01-1451643853-3204606-starrynight.jpg Photo by Greg Rakozy

Take Action Now!

Your life purpose is to discover who you are without your childhood programming and express yourself by living a life that brings you pleasure and joy! Changing your life to be your honest to goodness self and not a poor replica of someone else takes commitment, time and energy. Know you are worth the investment and that the world is waiting for you to express yourself. This work takes (1) COMPASSION and (2) LOVE for yourself, (3) COURAGE to move forward, (4) FAITH that it will all manifest for your highest good and the good of all.

Not everyone around you will understand your desire for change. As a transformational expert I know the steps and tools for creating lasting change, so you can reap the rewards of your life that you deserve. As your guide I remind you of your vision, why you are walking forward, how far you have traveled and who you are becoming as you walk, all of which will empower you to keep making choices that serve you.

If you are a woman and you want to become more self-confident and successful, you can take simple steps. Just follow these guidelines by clicking on the Female Empowerment link provided at the very end of my article "Why Women don't Deserve Success."

Is public speaking one of your fears but you need it for your professional or personal growth? Get my free tapping sessions for fear of public speaking right HERE!