After going through divorce, dating can be very daunting. Most likely you had some drama surrounding your divorce. You might even have a laundry list of complaints about your ex. In your mind, you know what you definitely don't want. The question is, what do you want?
It's funny, because when you ask people what they are looking for in a mate, you most often hear adjectives like "smart", "good looking", "great job", "must have chemistry", "similar interests" -- you know, the basics. However, I was having this discussion with a recently divorced girlfriend who had been out on tons of dates, but felt that none were even remotely impressive enough to warrant a fourth date.
The other day I got a phone call. I could feel the excitement on the line. Julie told me that she had met someone she really liked -- finally! I was super excited for her, so we made plans to meet for lunch to talk about the guy.
"So, tell me about him?"
The first word that came out of her mouth was "normal." "He's pretty normal," she said calmly and confidently.
Wait, normal? Yep. Normal. After talking it out, we both agreed that this is the one thing that people seem to be missing: normalcy. Recently, it seems like there is nothing but drama, fakery, rich housewives and the Jersey Shore. It's like everyone has to have some sort of crazy issue. Excitement is certainly fun, but sometimes you just want someone to be a normal person. I'm talking no drama, no extreme issues, no quirky hang-ups, no excessive baggage -- just cool and normal.
You can't control situations dealt to you in life, but that doesn't make you not normal. You can accept your hand in life. You have the ability to move forward in a positive fashion without playing the blame game every chance you get. That's the normal I'm talking about.
It's a compliment beyond all compliments. There are tons of hot people out there; they're a dime a dozen, especially if you live in Los Angeles. There are tons of talented people out there. Tons of smart people too. But normal -- not tons. In fact, Julie told me that out of the last six guys she has dated that this was the only normal dude. The first guy had mommy issues; she wasn't sure the umbilical cord was actually cut. he second guy had a "manageable" (his words) drug problem. The third guy was a constant name-dropper. Every time they went out, he had to tell her what celeb he was friends with or what sports figure was his workout buddy. The fourth was crazy jealous, and she was not about to deal with that. The fifth, she told me, was just a douche -- no other way to put it. And finally -- number six -- NORMAL!
Normal! Seriously folks. Bells and sirens are going off in the background. Ladies and gentleman, she has won the prize -- a normal guy!
So what exactly is normal in this case? Well Julie is happy to report that Chad has a family that is a little quirky (aren't they all?) but everyone gets along most of the time. He has a job he actually likes. He works out, but he's not a crazy work-out freak. He likes to go out and he's cool staying in. He likes music -- the same kind of music Julie likes. Plus, he likes to go to concerts. He's not angry or bitter. He's battled his demons and forgiven the wrongs of his past. He doesn't feel like he has to prove anything to anyone. They have great conversation and incredible chemistry. He calls when he says he will, but he's not needy or overbearing. He respects her and gives her space, but not too much space. It seems so natural. So normal.
You should revise your perfect mate wish list now. Be sure to add normal to the top of the list.
What does "normal" mean to you?