I am obsessed with audiobooks. I listen to 3-5 books a month. I do a lot of walking my dog, hiking in Malibu, commuting two hours back and forth from my studio, and a shit ton of editing. I can't complain too much because all of these activities give me the time I need to kick back, relax, listen and learn something. Talk about multi-tasking.
A recent book I listened to called The Big Leap was such a fabulous one that I had to listen to it twice and I'm sure I'll listen to is again. It hit the nail on the head on the sensitive subject of unconsciousself sabotage.
We do this because we feel we have achieved our "upper limit" of happiness, financial success, joy in a relationship, or any number of other things, If you've been reading my blog for a while you most likely know that I've been on a new journey of self-discovery. I've always been committed to peeling the layers away. In my 20s I spent a considerable amount of time doing so, but I think right when I hit the sweet spot, I stepped away.
I had just invested 6 long months in a very time intensive leadership program. The intent was to conquer my fear of public speaking. The course taught us how to speak in front of large groups of people, but the goal was not just to speak, it was to inspire the audience to take control of their life. To find what is missing and fill the void. It was a three hour workshop and we were taught to lead and guide groups into new self discovery.
It was intense, It was hard and It was scary, but I kept at it and in the end I was one of the few effective leaders who graduated and was given the ability to continue to lead their programs. It was a major feat and I was pretty shocked that I actually made it. In fact I was so shocked, that after it was all finished, I convinced myself that I just got lucky, that it was not actually true and that I was not an effective leader. So instead of stepping into this new position, I walked away, and I never went back. It was complete sabotage and now that I look back on this while I sit here in my living room and pour out my thoughts, I can't help but feel a deep sense of regret and sadness.
I was so close, 99% there and I gave it all up. Why? Why would I do that?
Are you willing to feel good and have your life go well all of the time? I'm sure your natural reaction would be to say yes, who doesn't want to be fulfilled in work, relationships, and life all of the time? Saying yes to this is one of the most courageous acts a human can do, because what I have come to learn is that our limiting beliefs can often get the best of us.
In this wonderful book, Gay Hendricks dives into the belief system that afflicts most humans. It says we are fundamentally flawed. We believe something is wrong with us. We may feel we are not good enough, not smart enough, or that we are unworthy of having the love and success that we deserve as our birthright. It's in the moments when we begin to enjoy great success in some area of our lives, that we suddenly decide that perfection is not achievable and everything is just setting us up to take a grand, big fall. We 'sabotage' ourselves and our journey to make sure we are spared the hurt of disillusionment when all the glitters turns out NOT to be gold.
Gay calls this the "upper limit problem." He says that each one of us has an inner thermostat system of how much love, success and joy we allow ourselves to enjoy and when we exceed that inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to completely and deliberately ruin a great thing. This causes us to drop back into the old familiar zone, where things feel secure, where we know our way around and where we don't have the risk of failing.
This thermostat is formed in the years when unfortunately we don't know how to think for ourselves. It is between of the 0-8 mark that the " upper limit problem" sets into place.
Hendricks goes on to explain that this issue of self-sabotage can keep us from living the ultimate destination of this amazing journey. It's a sneaky little devil that takes hold of us right at the moment things are going just grand, the moment when we finally have what we want, what we've worked so hard for. It grabs us from the back of our shirt and pulls us right back into our primal belief systems and out of our zone of genius.
When I heard this, all of the moments in my life, and especially this one that I'm talking about here came flooding back into focus. So many moments where I had gotten so close, Yet purposely walked away so far flashed on the horizon of my mind.
I was afraid to shine, because deep down, I believed I did not deserve to be powerful, that people would not listen to me and that I did not have what it takes. These are obviously all blatant lies, but I gave them power and I let them take me down.
This book blew my mind and I can't say enough great things about it. It really helped me see clearly all the sabotage that has been keeping me back. It broke sabotage down into a language that I could understand. It's a part of us all, and the only way to get rid of it is to be aware of it . So now I am in constant observation of the sneaky bolder that is all of a sudden might be standing in front of me, trying to break my stride.
Taking the big leap is what we all want right!? It's not about the ego, it's not about taking control and it's not about getting even. It's about being true to the love and genius that lies inside of you and knowing that anything you want is possible. Negative thoughts are going to try and take you down, but they can't if you seem them for what they are, lies!
If there was no such thing as failing, what would you do, who would you be, what would you create? These are the questions I am asking myself and these are the questions I am asking you!
If everyday you are expanding in Love, Success, and Abundance, then everyday you are inspiring others to do the same! Shine on!!