10/05/2010 01:26 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

10 Best Topical Jokes of the Week

...or at least the 10 best written by me.

President Obama on Sunday attended church for the first time since April as an increasing number of Americans falsely believe that he is Muslim, not Christian. Obama briefly addressed the congregation, saying, "Praise Allah! Death to America! -- Just kidding!"

Bishop Eddie Long, a pastor at a mega-church in Atlanta who is known for his public crusades against homosexuality, was sued by two young men who claim that he coerced them into sexual relationships. They claim the Bishop did so in a chess-inspired move called Bishop Takes the Queens.

While Spain's Catalonia region has banned bull fighting over concerns that it is cruel to the animals, a new bill was approved this week that allows other traditions to continue such as the "Bull of Fire" festival, in which burning sticks are attached to the horns of bulls as they chase people. And the "Bull of Broadway" festival, in which the bulls are forced to do synchronized dancing to Stephen Sondheim songs.

A Delta Airlines pilot is being compared to Captain Chesley Sully Sullenberger after safely landed a plane at JFK Airport with malfunctioning landing gear and a severely damaged wing. FAA officials now fear Sullenberger has inspired a series of copycat safe landings.

A new law has been proposed in San Francisco that would ban toy giveaways with fatty fast food meals. In protest, a class action lawsuit has been launched on behalf of fat, dumb kids.

Big Bang Theory actress Kaley Cuoco revealed this week that she had a secret two-year relationship with co-star Johnny Galecki, but that the two eventually broke up. This news recently won first prize in the prestigious Who The Hell Cares Competition.

It was revealed this week that the Bronx elementary teacher, who posted stories online about her previous career as a sex worker, was given tenure even though her supervisor knew of her past. The supervisor said he okayed it under the school's little-known Tenure In Exchange For A Lap Dance program.

Chinese artist Li Wei, who is known as "the death wish artist" because he stages photographs of himself doing potentially deadly things, has completed his latest work, which is of him jumping out of the window of a 25 story office building. Next up for Li Wei - calling a Hell's Angels gang a bunch of pussies.

Ice Cream maker Ben & Jerry's is removing the phrase "all natural" from labels after a request from the Center for Science in the Public Interest because some ingredients used corn syrup and alkalized cocoa. The phrase "all natural" will be replaced by the phrase "also contains some really funky crap."

A 13 year-old girl in Brooklyn, New York on Tuesday won 50,000 dollars at the National Texting Championship by typing out a verse from "Old McDonald" in 60 seconds. Asked how she felt, the elated girl responded, "OMG - E -I - E - I - O!"