Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu says that Israel is the only country in the Middle East that can handle democracy.
"Democracy is a dangerous thing if it gets into the wrong hands," he said. "I've seen kids poke out an eye with democracy."
Netanyahu spoke after learning that the vast majority of Egyptians demanding a new government would not vote for a replacement recommended by Israel's Knesset.
Netanyhu's words struck a chord with the Israeli public. Thousands of citizens poured into the streets chanting, "God chose us, not you," and "Democracy is like brisket. You don't always get a good peace." As to the notion that Egyptians deserve democracy after three decades of suppression, an elderly woman in the crowd said, "Three decades? Feh. When they can start counting by fifties, we'll talk."
The Israeli military immediately undertook preparations for dealing with the nightmarish possibility that a second democracy might erupt in the region.
"I have put our forces on high alert," said Netanyahu. "We are training our soldiers in techniques for making democracy seem less attractive. For example, they have been instructed on how to describe jury duty and the difficulty of punching out chads."
The possibility of imminent hostilities was evident even in Israel's ultra-orthodox enclaves, where men with long beards could be heard debating the true meaning of the Uzi machine gun manual.
Meanwhile, Israeli supporters of the democratic movement sweeping Eqypt confronted the protesters, resorting in some cases to acts of violence. For example, students standing on a balcony outside The Remedial Cooking School for Shiksas, rained down on the crowd rock hard matzo balls and cauldrons of chicken soup with way too much salt.
The protests also disrupted Israeli-Palestinian peace negotiations, which were suspended while the participants considered whether to continue the suspension or to declare that it was impossible to come to an agreement while people were disagreeing with one another.
In remarks broadcast to the nation on Wednesday evening, Netanyahu urged calm. "While the fall of the entire Egyptian government may look good to the people of Egypt at this moment, I believe they will soon realize that Mutually Assured Democracy in this region is not the answer. Free speech, voting rights and personal injury lawsuits are all well and good, but a democratic system inevitably falls into the hands of politicians--people who elevate the expedient over the principled -- people for whom hypocrisy is a job requirement. This is not what the Egyptian people deserve."