09/01/2011 05:57 pm ET Updated Nov 01, 2011

Obama Meets Tea Party Half-Way

"Mr. President, I've just looked at the schedule for your speech to Congress next Thursday, and I notice that it calls for your motorcade to travel down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Capitol."

"That's right, Mr. Speaker, it's the route we customarily use."

"Well, Mr. President, I'm afraid we've got a problem with that."

"A problem?"

"Yes, sir. The Tea Party caucus meets every Thursday evening and always orders pizza from the same place."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, Mr. President, they insist that their pizza be hot. Not warm, but hot. And the only way to make sure that it's hot is for the pizza delivery man to drive straight down Pennsylvania Avenue."

"Look, you've already forced me to move the speech from Wednesday to Thursday. This is over the top."

"With all respect, sir, our members are really dug in on this. Congresswoman Bachmann, for example, says that this is just another example of you trampling on the Constitution. "

"That's absurd. What does this have to do with the Constitution?"

"The Congresswoman says that under the Tenth Amendment only the states have the power to deny someone hot pizza."

"The Tenth Amendment doesn't talk about pizza."

"Well, sir, at a cocktail party sponsored by the Club for Growth, Justice Scalia said that the grease spot on the original manuscript next to the words 'are reserved to the states,' was made by James Madison when he laid the parchment down on a slice of pepperoni."

"But that has nothing to do with the Constitution."

"I beg to differ, Mr. President. It's obvious that the entire Amendment rested on the pizza."

"Let's get back to the motorcade question. Why can't I drive down Pennsylvania Avenue before or after the time that the pizza is supposed to be delivered?"

"The caucus feels that allowing you to precede the pizza man would make them look weak. And they oppose letting you follow the pizza man because it would make them look like bullies."

"OK, how about a compromise. I drive half-way down Pennsylvania Avenue and wait for the pizza man. He drives half-way down Pennsylvania Avenue and hands me the pizza. I pay him, drive the rest of the way to the Capitol, and deliver the pizza to the Tea Party folks."

"I can agree to that in principle, sir, with one caveat."

"What's that?"

"Don't expect a tip."