03/07/2013 03:18 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

This Is Where I Am Supposed to Be: An Open Letter to My Special Needs Son

An open letter to my "special and determined" son,

Last night was a long, dark night. As I sat next to your bed rubbing your back and listening to you whine with every cough you took, I realized this is where I'm supposed to be.

As the same music that we have been listening to since you were two weeks old plays in the background, certain songs bring me back to those long, dark nights sitting next to your bed in the NICU.

Anxiously watching every monitor that was hooked up to you. Hoping that you didn't hit certain numbers that would make the alarm blare in my ears, causing me to rush over to your bed, only to see my precious little baby hooked up to tubes and wires. During all those long, dark nights, I realized this is where I'm supposed to be.


It made me wonder: As you get older, will you still want to listen to your favorite bedtime music? Will you still want me to sit next to your bed and rub your back when you feel sick or scared?

Whether you do or don't, I pray to God, as my face gets another wrinkle on it and the circles under my eyes get bigger and darker from the five hours of sleep I usually get a night, to give me the strength to care for you when you are in pain and want to be comforted, because this is where I'm supposed to be.


Jayme Goetz/Photography by Jayme

Love you buddy, you fill my heart with such joy. I am so proud to be your Mommy! You truly are my greatest miracle in life.


Jayme Goetz/Photography by Jayme

This post originally appeared on Special & Determined.