12/21/2012 02:11 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

NRA Offers Radical Solution to Gun Threat at Schools: Arm the Fetus!

Wayne LaPierre, the executive vice-president of the National Rifle Association, has called for a dynamic new initiative to reduce gun violence in US schools.


Mandatory gun training for every fetus!

"We cannot seriously expect America's infants and school-children to be able to defend themselves against deranged gun-lovers and our sensitive supporters without proper training. We propose that all fetuses be given mandatory weapons training in the womb. So that when the baby emerges he or she is already an all-American gun hero ready to mow down anything that comes into their kindergarten brandishing anything beyond an automatic pea-shooter."

"When members of Congress wrote the Second Amendment in 1791, they knew exactly what the 21st century would be like. They understood that there would be assault weapons, machine guns, high-capacity ammo clips, firearms capable of massacring first-graders -- and that there would be amoral thuggish bullies dictating America's gun policy. That's why they gave our members the right to bare arms. And the right to wear red-neck sleeveless shirts while blowing away defenseless animals and children. God Save the AK-47, the Uzi and the NRA! Merry Christmas and drop dead..."