Republicans Euthanize Ethics Watchdog (Updated)

01/03/2017 11:55 am ET Updated Jan 04, 2018

Washington DC: Goodyear Satire Co.--

House Republicans voted to kill the independent Office of Congressional Ethics on Monday night, but reversed themselves on Tuesday after a loud outcry from citizens and bloggers and two tiny-handed tweets from the President Not Elect.

Speaker of the Swamp Paul Ryan claimed it was intended to be a mercy killing, saying, "We had to put it out of our misery." Indeed.

The Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) is the watchdog guarding against misconduct by house members of all parties, whether they are Republicans or in the GOP.

Former Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham, (R-Calif) who served more than seven years in prison on bribery and other charges brought by the OCE, had the honor of holding the watchdog in his arms as the panel took its last, slow breath.

"It was agonizing after all we've been through together," Cunningham wept feloniously.

The lawmakers acted in the dead of night so the new child-President would not be frightened.


Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi reacted angrily. "You don't need an ethics watchdog if you have ethics," she explained, That's why you need a watchdog.".

Republicans are steeling themselves for more pain as they turn to Obamacare and whole governmental agencies that they want to march across the Rainbow Bridge.

"They'll be able to frolic under bright blue skies and sunshine. No more swamps for them," explained Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.), brainiac behind the failed euthanasia plan.

Speaker Ryan was noncommittal about adopting again.

"We'll probably get another watchdog if we ever lose our majority," said the Speaker that doesn't listen. "But until then, we'll just have to lock our doors at night to keep the bad guys in."

Twelve hours later House Republicans reversed themselves after an outcry that could be heard as far away as the empty factories of Janesville, Wisconsin. Then Trump, seeing which way the wind blows, tweeted:

From this we learn that both Trump and the Republicans plan to disband the panel, just not now. Ethics abandonment can wait for another day. Huzzah Huzzay.

That brings to mind an old joke.

What's the secret of comedy?

Timing.

Trump's got it. Republicans ain't.