Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz today threatened to move back to Canada in the event he is elected President of the United States.
"America's voters are telling us they want an outsider as president. Therefore, if I am elected as your president I will move to Canada to be as outside as I can get," said Cruz.
Cruz plans on moving the White House, lock stock and barrel, to Calgary, Alberta. "I own a home there, my kids still go to school there, and all my CanadaCare doctors are there. It'll be like I never left," said the Canadian-born Cruz.
"This canny strategy nicely refutes Donald Trump's complaint that none of Cruz's colleagues in the Senate have endorsed him," opined Fern Bronwin, Republican political strategist. "By demonstrating that he has indeed been rejected by his peers," Bronwin claims, "Cruz hopes to appeal to the hundreds of millions of American voters who also reject him."
Cruz is confident this strategy will work. "So many people hate me now, maybe they'll vote for me just to get me to leave."
Cruz concluded, "To be perfectly candid with you, I wouldn't want to live in a country that would elect someone like me President. So if I wind up back in Canada, it;s a win-win, Eh?"