We have all had to work with annoying team members in business. If you are not their manager, it's tempting to just walk away, tune them out, or react sharply, but these reactions are not appropriate for managers, and are equally ineffective for peers and team mates. Remember that annoying doesn't mean non-productive - these may be top performers, with critical business skills.
Just as importantly, remember that annoying doesn't usually work both ways. You may be annoying other people without even recognizing it. In either case, you need to understand the dynamics to maximize team performance, and for your own sanity and satisfaction. For any relationship to be maximally productive, both parties must actively manage the relationship.
The good news is that you can learn to deal with well-meaning peers and people you manage, by employing a set of proven tactics, as outlined in a new book, "Managing Annoying People," from veteran business leader and workplace consultant Ilene Marcus. As a long-time business advisor, I fully support her key pragmatic relationship strategies, which I paraphrase here as follows:
- Prevent others from sapping your energy. Limit your meetings with annoyers to small doses, optimally timed to allow a natural exit, perhaps just before a required meeting or event. Be proactive in this approach, rather than practicing avoidance or trying to tune out. Practice smiling and keep your vibes positive to prevent frustration.
- Tune your relationship dynamic to be more effective. Some people are "high-maintenance," and annoyingly take excessive time to provide details and ask questions. For these, you need keep your message direct, unemotional, and to the point. Use calming and neutral settings, and forcefully turn the focus back to the issue at hand.
- Set clear relationship boundaries and honor them. Manager versus employee relationships can be annoying when boundaries are not respected. Team members may forget you are now the boss, or anyone can make inappropriate comments or demands. Draw the lines of intent and expectations clearly, and never allow yourself to be the prey.
- Overtly manage your time, and declare constraints. Share the timetable at the start of a discussion and stick to it. For example, declare you have another meeting in fifteen minutes, or must leave in ten minutes. Use all the known methods for orchestrating a meeting effectively, or sandwich interactions between known limiting events.
- Monitor your own nonverbal body language. Don't assume that others won't see your frustration and stress. You can't change others directly to eliminate their annoying behavior, but you can change your own to improve the effectiveness of each interaction. Send a message of being open and engaged, and smile like you have a secret.
- Show consistency in all interactions. The art of productive relationships and leadership are tied to your ability to size up a situation and apply the right tactic consistently. That builds trust, reliability, and responsiveness all around. Be brutally honest with yourself about what is triggering your actions which increase annoyance.
- Separate keeping busy from producing results. We all know annoying people who are always too busy, but generate minimal output. Give clear direction and challenge people to product results, rather than tolerate or listen to how busy they are. Incent your peers and team members with meaningful requests, and reward productive efforts.
How you handle annoying team members and keep their behavior from sabotaging you and the rest of the team is the test of your productivity and career potential. If you are annoyed, remember not to respond with one of the three wrong reactions - fight, flight, or freeze. The right reaction is to focus - gather the basket of tactics outlined here, and manage full speed ahead.