10/27/2015 12:24 pm ET Updated Oct 27, 2016

How to Control the Negative Inner Voice Your Divorce Created

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The biggest lies are often the ones we tell ourselves.

In my last post, "How Your Divorce Coping Mechanisms May Be Holding You Back," I discussed the danger of negative thoughts forming an endless loop in your head. In order to stop this, you have to understand what is controlling the loop in your head.

The part of your brain that is controlling the loop is your ego. When you learn to harness your ego, you can transform the way you think to move past these self-destructive thoughts. When I learned this, my entire life changed.

The most important thing you need to understand is that you have two parts of your consciousness. The first is your higher self -- your spirit. It is love based. The second is your lower self -- your ego. It is fear based. Your ego is constantly trying to compete against the higher self for control of your thoughts.

The ego thrives on identity and separation. It makes you beholden to it by creating fear: the fear of not being enough, the fear of being less or having less than others. That fear causes thoughts like:

  • I'm not good enough
  • No one will ever love me
  • I'm all alone

As a result of this fear, you try to raise your identity and your self-worth through faultfinding, criticizing and complaining about individuals and situations. You do this because when you put others down, it creates the sense that you must be better.

This diminishes the fear and creates a false sense of security and, as a result, you stay in this mode and let the ego dominate your thoughts. It's an endless loop because you keep telling your sad story and how you were wronged as a way to make yourself feel better, but it actually ends up making you feel worse.

But here's the secret -- the way to get out of this loop and put the ego in its place. When you recognize that negative voice in your head as the ego, you also become aware that you are not that voice.

You become aware that you have a higher self. The higher self and the ego cannot coexist. Think of the ego as the darkness and the higher self as the light switch; once the light goes on, darkness cannot exist.

This awareness makes you realize that you no longer have to react to the fear because your thoughts are not you -- they are from your ego. Remember that your ego and your higher self cannot co-exist. When you recognize the ego, it has to take a back seat to your higher self.

That is called coming into awareness. When you come into awareness, you can move above these thoughts and shift your perspective from negative fear-based thoughts to ones that serve you positively.

  • I AM enough.
  • I AM lovable.
  • I AM surrounded by people that love me.
  • I AM strong

The ego is going to keep trying to get back in; unfortunately it never stops trying, but now you know the power of your "I" versus the ego.

Today I want you to recognize your power. Call out your ego and replace those thoughts with ones that serve you.

If you found this helpful, download my free guide and start on your journey to move forward, feel confident and be happy!10 Ways to Overcome a Soul-Crushing Divorce