What President Bush Learned From His Mentor, Senator Blutarsky

When I was 10, my Uncle, God bless him, decided he was going to take me to the movies. He wasn't a film buff, but he knew his nephew loved the movies. And so, charged with babysitting me, and wanting to make me happy, he scanned the movie listings, and came upon what certainly sounded like the perfect film for a child to see: a cute-sounding movie about animals who live in a house.

My uncle did not notice that the film was rated "R", and this oversight of a letter still brings a smile to my face, for when the movie at the Herricks Theater in Long Island was not about bears and lions living in a home; it was Animal House, the great, raunchy, very adult comedy.

By the way, this is the same Uncle who took my cousin to see Porky's because he thought it was a movie about pigs. You can see why my Uncle Mickey is my favorite uncle.

As we near the 30-year anniversary of Animal House, a movie that influenced generations of young men as they entered their college years, it is important to now reveal that, while it's impact on college students may not be what it once was, it's influence on America may be greater than we dared realize.

For at the end of what, to my taste (which haven't evolved much since I was 10) may be the funniest movie ever, there are closing credits that give us updates on the characters in the film. The updates on the characters evoke chuckles, but one in particular provoked audiences to laugh out loud: It turns out that, ironically, wild frat boy "Bluto" Blutarsky went on to become Senator Blutarksy.

So, what would have become of Senator Blutarsky had he been alive today? Would his ambition have stopped at the Capitol steps, or was he meant to go onto greater achievements? Well, the answer is actually quite obvious:

George W. Bush is what would have happened if Senator Blutarsky became president.

These two men had much in common, even in college. What do I mean? Well, who was "was elected president of his fraternity, Delta Kappa Epsilon, which was known as the hardest drinking jock house on campus." According to The Washington Post, that was George Bush. As we know, Bluto was also a member of the Delta House, but at mythical Faber College.

It appears that President Bush was the real life Bluto, and that explains why he respected Bluto so much that he followed in the fictional senator's footsteps.

Let me cite several examples as to how George W. Bush took his cues on leadership from Bluto Blutarsky:

In the movie, Bluto is in charge of giving out nicknames to the fraternity pledges. He gives the hapless Kent "the Dorf" Dorfman the nickname "Flounder."

As President, Bush gives out nicknames to the press fraternity. For example, David Gregory of NBC, who stands 6-5, is nicknamed "Stretch."

In the movie, Bluto showed his knowledge of history when he asks, "Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

While George Bush was president, the United States was attacked by terrorists, mostly from Saudi Arabia, and under the orders of a terrorist living in Afghanistan. The U.S. then attacked... Iraq -- the equivalent of attacking Germany after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor.

In the movie, Bluto used his imagination to declare himself, implausibly, a zit!

As President, Bush used to declare himself, implausibly, a fighter pilot!

Bluto wanted to leave a horse in the Dean's office, as a simple joke. But the horse died, and the Dean, who already hated the Delta frat, used that incident to recruit the Omegas into taking on the animal house.

Bush wanted to take out Saddam Hussein, and he thought it would be easy. But the war met a difficult insurgency, and terrorists used our invasion of Iraq as a tool to recruit new Al Qaeda members into taking on the United States.

Bluto tried to give his fellow frat members a pep talk, and he told them, "It's not over until we say it's over! Who's with me!" He then marched out of the frat house... with no support.

George Bush told Bob Woodward, "I will not withdraw (from Iraq), even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me."

It is quite clear, nearly 30 years after Animal House, that the influence of the movie went farther than anyone had a right to expect. President Bush viewed the movie, not as a comedy, but as a lesson in philosophy. And, in that light, don't all of the president's actions make perfect sense?

He's President Blutarsky!