I'm not a club-goer and I prefer to do anything else than go to a noisy bar or gay club where you feel like you have to look or act a certain way. I've never felt comfortable or like I could be myself which is why I understand you and thousands of other gay men like us don't like being in "the scene."
Having full acceptance that you're not into the gay scene is a huge step to take and I'm here to tell you, welcome to the real party! In my opinion, it's sooooo much better here.
Now let me give you some practical advice on where you can meet quality gay guys outside the club.
Most of us resort to dating apps like Grindr, Scruff, OkCupid or Manhunt, all with the hopes of connecting with our community or meeting the love of our life. Just like gay clubs, this is a way to meet other gay men -- but it's not the only way.
These apps typically attract guys just looking to hook up. These apps can be a community in their own nature, but they can leave you feeling rejected and lonely -- especially when a hookup or encounter doesn't turn into a meaningful friendship.
You actually don't have to make friends in the gay community in order to feel fulfilled and satisfied. You don't have to go to nightclubs or create a dating profile when you're feeling lonely, bored or horny. You don't have to put yourself in environments that make you feel uncomfortable. If you do, then you're doing yourself a disservice and causing harm toward your mental hygiene which is the way you keep your mind and your emotions clean and spiffy.
Just like we need to stay hygienic with our physical bodies by brushing our teeth, taking showers and exercising, it's equally as important to place ourselves in healthy environments that support our happiness and social well-being.
In order to make friends outside the gay scene, you gotta answer this one question: "What are your values?"
Do you value health? Do you value education? Do you value giving back to communities through volunteerism or entrepreneurship?
When you identify your values, then you can pick and choose communities that align with your values. There are plenty of activities that align with your values in your new city like hiking, yoga, video game clubs, book clubs, art studios, and seminars at local colleges and universities.
Going to these place and events that align with your values has got to be your number one priority because that's where you're gonna meet people just like you, regardless of whether or not they're gay or straight, male or female.
The more often you show up (the keywords here are "show up"), you'll begin to meet people who align with your values.
As you meet and mingle with these people, I want you to become proactive in doing these 3 three things:
First, get in the habit of introducing yourself.
It may feel awkward to introduce yourself to new people, but you just gotta suck it up and realize that some people are gonna become your friends and others aren't. I always tell my students, some will, some won't, so what, someone's waiting. Make sure you remember that.
Second, always ask to exchange contact information.
Swap phone numbers or exchange email addresses. I'm gonna recommend you don't start with social media here because it's so easy to get lost in the noise and just become a cog in someone else's social media wheel of doom.
Lastly, follow up and keep in touch.
Every time you meet someone you like, invite them out to coffee or invite them out to a non-work related activity.
Then when you have at least 3-4 new friends that you've bonded with, you can invite all of them over to your house to have a dinner party or plan a group outing together.
It's your responsibility to take the initiative to make new friends and form new social groups, especially when you move to a new city. No one else is gonna do this for you, but now you have the exact steps to take to get a group of guy friends together, and you also know how to meet quality gay guys outside the gay scene.
What are your tips for meeting quality gay guys? Let me know in the comments below.
Want more tips to make friends and be happy? Grab my FREE Self-acceptance checklist to show you how to create the life you always wanted.