Fall is upon us. Time for corn mazes and jack o' lanterns, flannel shirts and apple cider, football and marching bands. But let us not forget, 'tis the season for band parents, too. In the spirit of identifying with the tireless role that they play in support of their music-loving, instrument-lugging progenies, I've made a handful of keen observations so that others might avoid entering the future ranks without first knowing what's in store.
You might be a band parent if...
1) You shop for vehicles based primarily on their capacity for cramming large and unwieldy musical instruments within a given square footage--as well as additional band members of varying size who may need a ride home on occasion. Having the extra cargo space for a six-foot color guard flag also comes in handy when your daughter announces she'd rather flip a flag than march around on a football field while playing a clarinet. Hello...that's marching band, dear.
2) You come to expect desperate phone calls and/or texts following drop offs, informing you that an item of vital importance was somehow forgotten (i.e. money, dot sheets, guard gloves, Under Armour, sweatshirt, socks, nude-colored strapless bra, etc.). Naturally, you're expected to come to the rescue. Every. Single. Time.
3) Your car knows the way to the band room, to every football stadium within 300-square miles and to the beloved concession stand--where you will spend an estimated quarter century of your life. Or maybe it just feels that way, since you emerge from each of your eternal shifts there totally spent, smelling much like a French fry and reflexively responding to dietary requests with, "Would you like cheese on that?"
4) Forget singing along like a banshee to Sam Smith tunes on the radio. Instead, you find yourself drumming out the beat of Seven Nation Army on your steering wheel and chanting its hypnotic mantra because you've heard the band play it roughly SEVEN MILLION TIMES. Why do you engage in such foolishness while cruising around town? Because it now inhabits your subconscious mind. And you love it. Almost as much as you love the marching band as an entity and the kids who embody its spirit.
5) On the eve of band competitions, you lose precious sleep and become all but consumed with performance anxiety--despite the fact that the performance in question isn't even yours. Which makes no sense at all.
6) Never mind your career, hobby or favorite sitcom. You now spend the bulk of your days and nights either engaging in or thinking about fundraising for the marching band. If you could train your dog to help you achieve your financial goals for the season you'd do it in a sixteenth note (translation: almost instantaneously).
7) There have been great multitudes of discussions in your household that begin with the words, "One time, at band camp..." and not once have you freaked out. Well, maybe one time; but that's because you couldn't stop thinking about that line from American Pie and you were paralyzed with fear over the issue of having to discuss the topic of sex at the dinner table.
8) It's barely October and already you've spent enough money on the concession stand to fund a mediocre political campaign. But if you're the one running for office (based on your track record of providing hot, nutritious meals for your family during marching band season), don't bother. Everyone's grabbing dinner featuring soft pretzels and chili dogs an average of two nights a week. At least it's hot. Probably.
9) You hate to admit it, but you don't really care much about watching football anymore. The team is undoubtedly great, but now it's all about THE BAND. And HALFTIME. Or the PREGAME SHOW that happens prior to kickoff. Heaven forbid you're still in the parking lot loading up like a pack mule or stuck in line for cheese fries when your school performs. Your kid will NEVER forgive you. So if that happens, be sure to lie well and don't miss it next time.
10) You witness something special every single day--namely the warmth and acceptance with which the band welcomes one and all into the fold. You recognize the band director and his associates as gifts from above and you look on with wonder as your child blossoms in an atmosphere of positivity and inspiration, ever so grateful that you heard the words, "Mom, I joined the marching band!"
Planet Mom: It's where I live, loving my experience as a second-year band parent at Loyalsock HS, despite all my whining. Visit me there at www.melindawentzel.com and www.Facebook.com/NotesfromPlanetMom Photo credits to Bob Barrett. All rights reserved.
Copyright 2015 Melinda L. Wentzel