04/21/2014 02:27 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

17 Things Your Child's Pediatrician Doesn't Want to Hear From You

Katrina Wittkamp via Getty Images

1. I'm sorry to call at 2 a.m., but I don't think we've ever discussed your philosophy on vaccinations.

2. I did a quick Google search on my phone and have to strongly disagree.

3. It turns out that we actually live closer to your home than to your office. Could we just schedule something at your house?

4. Does a high Apgar score have anything to do with being gifted?

5. While we're here, would you mind taking a look at my mole?

6. Shots are a really big deal in our family. After the visit, instead of stickers, we'll need you for a quick trophy presentation.

7. According to Jenny McCarthy...

8. There are a lot of coughing children in the waiting room. Is there somewhere else we could wait?

9. I have to jump on a quick conference call. Can you keep your voice down during the exam?

10. Can I get your cell phone number? I don't like dealing with the answering service.

11. Can I give YOU some advice?

12. We're applying to preschools and would love a letter of recommendation from you and from each of your partners.

13. Could you say that a little louder? We're recording this for our YouTube channel.

14. I see you have diplomas on your wall. Do you have any copies of your actual report cards?

15. I'm not sure if you saw the blog post I wrote about you, but I just want you to know I was having a really bad day when I wrote it. I had no idea it would go viral.

16. Did you get my friend request on Facebook?

17. Thanks for calling back so quickly. I was just checking to see how long it would take to reach you if I said it was an emergency.

(This post originally appeared on Mammalingo.)

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