04/28/2014 01:50 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

7 Things Babies Should Give Up Right Now If They Want to Get Into Harvard

The principal and teachers at a New York elementary school recently canceled their annual kindergarten show because they felt more time was needed for "preparing children for college and career."

Here's some of the actual letter sent to parents on April 25th that appeared in the Washington Post:

The reason for eliminating the Kindergarten show is simple. We are responsible for preparing children for college and career with valuable lifelong skills and know that we can best do that by having them become strong readers, writers, coworkers and problem solvers. Please do not fault us for making professional decisions that we know will never be able to please everyone. But know that we are making these decisions with the interests of all children in mind.

This is the world we live in, folks! Remember the lessons from All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, such as share, play fair and don't hit people? Those lessons are so 1989!

Who cares about learning to get along with others, problem solve and think creatively? What 5- and 6-year-olds need is more college prep time! You know what? What BABIES need is more college prep time!

Babies need to do less babyish stuff. Here are my suggestions for what your baby should give up immediately if you want him or her to get into a good college (and by "good," I obviously mean Harvard):

7 Things Babies Should Give Up Right Now If They Want To Get Into Harvard

This post appeared on Mammalingo on April 27th.

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