04/09/2013 11:47 am ET Updated Jun 09, 2013

Dear Taylor Swift, Stop Talking About Your Damn Love Life.


We need to chat. I wrote a similar letter to our friend Lindsay, but it was under very different circumstances and she wasn't ruining dresses or hanging out with James Deen yet, so I feel like my words fell on deaf ears with a huge tab at the Chateau Marmont. It's about you, and your image and message, and your obsession with talking about your love life, or lack thereof.

I just saw your most recent cover over at Wonderland magazine. You look beautiful. You're sans your eyeliner, which I think is an awesome look and you already know you're pretty so the whole thing works. What I take issue with, however, is that you talk about being single forever.

First things first -- you're 23 years old.

Second thing -- you absolutely, positively, have to stop talking about your fucking dating life.

There are many factors at play here. First, let's tackle your age. You're exceptionally young. You probably don't even have a mortgage yet, so, like, who cares if you have a casual boyfriend, no boyfriend, a gaggle of girlfriends, or a husband. This chick thinks everyone should get married at 23. Some people (myself included) disagree. That being said, get married when you want, and when you feel ready. There isn't a rush here. If you're as concerned as Wonderland is making it out to be, hit me up about freezing your eggs.

Okay SO. The other thing is -- you've totally made out with some of the hottest guys out there. I'm pretty sure you're doing really well in the boy department, and I know that I would probably also make out with Taylor Lautner. I'm glad that one happened, because it must be fun to say your own name and doodle it all over notebooks. Twice.

But back to the point of my note -- you're letting your romantic obsession and relationship status overshadow your music career. I'm fully aware you write sick songs for me to elliptical to like "I Knew You Were Trouble," (I have an entire playlist of six different mixes of it). That song is just... the best. I know love inspires your music. I know you think about Joe Jonas, or John Mayer, when you sing about never getting back together with someone.

You're young, and you're beautiful, and successful and talented. I admire you. As do many other women, young and old. Fuck, even Lena Dunham loves you. That's like getting a really awesome seal of approval from the Millenial of All Millenials. However, I don't want to read about dating, or not dating, or maybe not dating, or who you might love or not love. Love is a universal theme, but it's not the only one.

Call Tavi Gevinson, I'm sure she can fill you in on other things to discuss. Maybe feminism? Or politics?

I know I just went a little heavy there, so other topics to consider:

- general haircare
- how awesome it is to have really long legs like that (giraffe-like, but not in a weird way)
- your favorite frozen yogurt spot in LA

The bottom line though -- shut up about your love life and let it happen.