07/30/2015 03:00 pm ET Updated Jul 29, 2016

Donald Says the Darndest Things

Kids are always saying things that they shouldn't. Having three kids, sometimes I find myself in very embarrassing situations due to comments my children make. "Mommy, why is that ladies butt so big?" or "Mommy, where did that mans hair go? Why isn't it on his head anymore?" If you have kids, you know the sheer panic that take over your body when your child opens their mouth in a public arena. The only saving grace is that we can apologize for their comment and claim that we have no idea why they would say such a thing.

Over the past few months I have watch Donald Trump storm the political scene. I am by no means a CNN political correspondent. I don't follow all the polls, or read every article on the Washington Post. I do have a pulse, and parts and pieces of a once fully functioning brain, so I can safely say I would not vote for Donald Trump. It amazes me that someone can make such outlandish statements about almost 100% of the voting populous and still think they have a shot at being President. Donald has a tendency to say the darnedest things.

Let's take a look at three of his most recent statements, and as a mother I will do my best to explain away his unfortunate comments.

1. "If Hilary Clinton couldn't satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy the United States?": Oh Donald! I apologize, what he meant to say was; "Miss Hillary did her best to keep Mr. Bill occupied, but idle hands are the Devil's playground." Donald mustn't be aware that 50% of the voting populous are women. Silly little boy.

2. "Republican appointed Justice John Roberts, "let us down" in the fight for traditional marriage." Now now Donald. I am positive he meant to say; "I understand that practice makes perfect, so that is why I am a thrice married man. My future wife who is currently in elementary school will surely be able to explain it to me." I guess his idea of traditional marriage includes multiple marriages, and marriages with exceptionally large age gaps, as long as those marriages are to women. Sounds super traditional to me. It is estimated that 20% of the US population is gay or lesbian. If that tweet doesn't alienate their vote, his unmanageable hairstyle alone should cost him the gay vote.

3. "He is only a war hero because he was captured." YIKES! Let's try this again Donald. He meant; "War is awful, and being a POW must have been unbearable. I honor your service." I don't think Mother Teresa would be able to help him out of this one. 24% of the US population have served in a branch of our military. Will they show up at the polls and cast their hard fought vote for him?

I look forward to the next giffable statement that comes out of that mans mouth. He is a walking joke machine. Please Mr. Trump, keep em' coming. Perhaps Bill Cosby could host a special episode of "Donald Says The Darndest Things." I bet the rating would be through the roof.