06/29/2015 10:53 am ET Updated Jun 29, 2016

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Conversations with your children can leave you speechless. Here are a few interactions that I deemed worthy of a share.

My daughter and I.

6 Yr. Old: Do we have sunblock?

Me: Yes Why?

6 Yr. Old: My friend is coming over after school.

Me: OK.

6 Yr. Old: He has asthma, so I'm just making sure we have sunblock.

Me: Yup, we're all good.

My son, my daughter, and I.
9 Yr. Old: Gross, you farted.

6 Yr. Old: I didn't fart.

Me: You are the only one here.

6 Yr. Old: It wasn't a fart, it was my breath.

My son and I.
4 Yr. Old: I'm Spiderman, Batman, and a Ninja Turtle mixed together.

Me: Awesome, what are you called?

4 Yr. Old: Teenage Spiderbat Turtle Power.

Me: Wow, what is your super-power?

4 Yr. Old: WIFI

My daughter and I.
Me: Where are your pants?

6 Yr. Old: I had to take them off.

Me: Why?

6 Yr. Old: My underwear were crusty.

Me: What? Why?

6 Yr Old: No big deal, just a wet fart.

Me: ......................

Listening to radio in-car (Blank Space by Taylor Swift)
My son and I.

4 Yr. Old: Mom, how does she make a bad guy good for the weekend?


4 Yr. Old: Does she put him in time out?

Me: Yes, that must be it. Hey look a squirrel.

4 Yr. Old: Wow, where?

My daughter and I.
6 Yr. Old: Mom, watch me run.

Me: OK.

6 Yr. Old: Look, see how my legs move.

Me: Your legs look fine.

6 Yr. Old: I think there is something wrong. Will you take me to a biologist?

Me: Sure, we can schedule that.

My son and I.
Me: Will you love me forever and stay my baby?

4 Yr. Old: Yes. I will stay here.

Me: What happens when you get married?

4 Yr. Old: I'm not getting a wife, I don't want any kids?

Me: Why not.

4 Yr Old:
Kids are a lot of work and I don't want anyone to tell me what to do.

Me: Won't you be lonely?

4 Yr Old: No, I'll get a dog.

Me: Genius!

My son and I.
4 Yr. Old: Why is your tummy fat?

Me: I had three babies.

4 Yr. Old: A long time ago, why is it still fat?

Me: You used to be the favorite.

My daughter and I.
6 Yr. Old: Why are you wearing glasses?

Me: It's hard for me to see.

6 Yr. Old: They're ugly.

Me: That's not nice.

6 Yr. Old: Well, it's not a good look for you.

Me: I'll make sure to ask your permission next time I buy glasses.

6 Yr. Old:
You should, you obviously need help.

My son and I.

9 Yr. Old: This food is gross.

Me: It's not gross its good for you, its organic.

9 Yr. Old: Organic is gross.

Me: You eat your boogers.

9 Yr. Old: So.

Me: Boogers are organic.

9 Yr. Old:
Well, boogers taste good.

My son and I.
4 Yr. Old: Can I sleep in your bed?

Me: No, there is not enough room.

4 Yr. Old: Why can Daddy sleep with you?

Me: Because I married him.

4 Yr. Old: I will marry you. Can I sleep in your bed now?

Daddy: Don't be so quick to offer that up buddy.

4 Yr. Old: I really want to get in your bed.

Daddy: So did I, and now I'm stuck. Think about it.

4 Yr. Old: I'll just sleep on the floor.

You never know where the conversation will take you. It's kind of like Mr. Toads wild ride, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

Meredith is a work-from-home mother of three who writes about the inappropriate side of marriage and motherhood on her blog at She is also a contributor on the parenting team at Follow her on Medium, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.