The Snow Day, always capitalized out of respect, is a complicated creature.
Everyone, except moms, loves them.
But they continue to be a mystery to the average citizen.
Why do they happen? Will we have one tomorrow? Why aren't they always on Monday?
While I can't answer these questions, I am here to help.
No one truly understands the Snow Day. Especially, the weather(wo)man.
But I do know the secret to getting a Snow Day.
No, it's not being the Superintendent and having the ability to cancel school (although that is nice).
It's 4 easy steps.
And lucky for you, I'm going to share my tried and true method for obtaining the always allusive Snow Day.
Keep in mind these steps must be completed in order.
And most importantly, they must be finished before your normal bedtime.
If you decide to stay up late, because you are convinced tomorrow will be a Snow Day... you have committed the ultimate sin in the eyes of the Snow Day Gods.
So, just follow these simple steps and enjoy your day off from school.
Step 1 - Put your pajamas on inside out (bonus points if your pajamas have feet).
Step 2 - Brush you teeth with the opposite hand (harder than it sounds).
Step 3 - Flush a minimum of six ice cubes down the toilet (cubes... not crushed ice... another common mistake).
Step 4 - Sleep with a spoon under your pillow (don't ask me why, just do it).
If you follow these 4 steps, and it snows a lot, you have my personal guarantee you'll wake up to a Snow Day.
WARNING: Do NOT overuse the Snow Day Ritual. It must only be used for good, not evil.
Email Michael Smith at firstname.lastname@example.org