11/03/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Shakespearean Tragedy

If last nights debate was a production of Macbeth the critics would have called it bad casting.

"Why would anyone cast Heidi Montag in the role of Lady Macbeth?" they'd say.

"Sir Ian Mckellan as Macbeth was fantastic and in total command, as always, but in his scenes with Ms. Montag all of the meaning of the language was lost."

"Ms. Montag paraphrased entire verses of important dialogue and ad-libbed over the parts she couldn't remember. 'Out out damned spot' became 'OMG! I got blood all over my favorite Chloe dress! Gross!!!" "Fans of Ms. Montag's applauded that moment seemingly because they got the Chloe reference. They appeared unaware that one of the great moments in theater had just been massacred before their eyes."

"Mr. Mckellen was acting in a vacuum. At times he seemed like another audience member just watching in disbelief as Ms. Montag bulldozed her way through the words. He seemed to be thinking to himself ,'Is this really happening?'"

"Ms. Montag's fake British accent seemed to come and go depending on how many vowels were in the word."

"The theater was packed with Ms. Montag's teenage admirers from her earlier work on MTV's The Hills and they seemed to care little about the play. They were just thrilled to see one of there own up there in that 17th century wig holding her own. They held up signs that said things like "YOU GO GIRL!" and "YOU SHOW SHAKESPEARE WHO'S IN CHARGE!"

I think, when it comes to being the leader of the free world, as in Shakespeare, it's not enough to learn the words, you've got to know what the words mean. Macbeth's "Tomorrow" soliloquy seems apt in describing Ms. Palin's performance in the debate: "It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."