07/03/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Sandra Bullock: Nazi-Fetishist Babe or Super Mom? You Decide

The story so far...Hard-working girl-next-door-actress, increasingly long in the tooth, who romance has eluded, finally finds her true guy and he's...a true guy. Rough hewn. No airs. Not of her class, but what the hell. An unlikely but cute couple. Hard-working-girl-next-door actress is rewarded for her niceness, dogged enterprise, and high profitability with an Oscar. Shortly thereafter said love is revealed to be a lying scumbag, which is, obviously, terrifically painful. His affairs with various tramps, not to mention his penchant for Nazi paraphernalia, are beyond the pale and she turns him out. There is a brief and horrid suggestion, too nasty and macabre for words, about a sex tape and particularly baroque sex practices, together with beefed up security and veiled suggestions of her life being in danger. Then, voilà, having somehow avoided the paparazzi armies, she's got a new baby, a secret new black baby from New Orleans who she's been caring for since January but hasn't told anyone about -- who even her young step-children haven't spilled the beans about -- and she will be adopting forthwith, while, simultaneously, filing for divorce. This news is such an uplifting and fortifying turnaround that it knocks Julia Roberts off the cover of People magazine (America's ultimate barometer of reputations and sentimentality).

As plausibly...Hard-working girl-next door gets together with a Nazi fetishist because she, too, is a super kinkster.

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