05/31/2013 10:58 am ET Updated Jul 30, 2013

Extreme Resiliency: Owning Where We Are

A client said to me yesterday, "The worst part is that he makes me feel like I am a burden." This is a sensitive one to address when speaking to someone that has had a life altering event happen to them at age 27. But even when someone is in a fragile state, honesty and helping them gain some clarity from another point of view cannot be sugar coated.

First, no one can "make" her feel anything. She needs to understand that she is choosing to feel that way. Secondly, she needs to see how much life has changed for those around her that love her and understand it isn't all about her. Guess what? It is okay to say, "Right now I see from all that you need to do for me due to my condition that you are burdened in some ways that are new to you. I wish it wasn't this way. But it is. I hear you. I appreciate you and all you do. Let me do something for you, however small it may be, because I want to try."

Owning where we are, how we are choosing to feel, and knowing that not everyone handles stress, trauma, or life changing events the same as we do is so important when it comes to bouncing back with resiliency as your guide.

Remember, not blaming others for how we feel is a leap towards resiliency!