05/03/2011 05:56 pm ET Updated Jul 03, 2011

To the Victor Go the Royals: Big Willie and Babykins Gone Wild?

There once was a royal named Will
Whose grandma was over the hill
They made him an Earl
And he got his girl
Of his nuptials we've all had our fill

For the couple a new prayer was writ
On this duo all eyes were alit
No sign of Madonna
Or even Ivanna
Trump wants proof that the Prince is a Brit!

Sarah Palin did not make the list
Since she is Queen of Tea she was pissed
Although she was crabby
She saw Westminster Abbey
From her porch (through the Wasilla mist)

Sir Elton and hubby were there
Both dressed with impeccable flair
But the hats were from Seuss
Poor Bea came as a moose
(And no invite for ol' Tony Blair?)

Nor for Fergie, ex-bride of Prince Andy
(He was known to be royally randy)
She's persona non grata
(She would've worn Prada)
Without her, he just ain't that dandy

Ms. Walters reigned on ABC
While her View co-hosts dished with esprit
Billions glued to the telly
(They watched live in New Delhi)
Behar likened Charles's mum to a bee

At long last, the Balcony Kiss
A moment none wanted to miss
The UK's breath was baited
(Most were less than elated)
In truth, it was chaste; less than bliss

So why is our nation bewitched
By two strangers who merely got hitched
Endless fuss and high pomp
But what of the High Romp??
Odds are one of them's gonna get ditched

The firstborn of Diana and Chuck
Might stay wed, and I wish him good luck
But next time, with Harry
Should he choose to marry
Shan't waste time on that bloody muck!!