12/30/2012 11:47 pm ET Updated Mar 01, 2013

Mayan Calendar Prophecy Demystified

Apparently, there has been some kind of mix up with the whole "2012 Mayan Calendar" thing.

A new translation of an ancient Mayan text -- "The Axhumuchicha Diaries" -- has just revealed that the word was actually "colander," as in the bowl-shaped thingee with holes on the bottom that allows a person to drain spaghetti.

The translator of the ancient text, J. Templeton Edwards, a semantical historian and world-renowned expert on Mayan literature, recently noted on a December 21st webcast:

"After years of assiduous research, I have come to understand that, approximately 2,100 years ago, there was a severe shortage of Mayan COLANDERS -- an occurrence that moved one of the most beloved Mayan Emperors of the time -- Xytyl Myzucytl -- to publicly bemoan the 'end of the Mayan colander.' Alas, in the years that followed, the emperor's comments were poorly translated -- leading, unfortunately, to the recent glut of END OF CIVILIZATION, AS WE KNOW IT books that have hit the market."

Whew! Mystery solved!

Mitch Ditkoff has several calendars in his house -- all with quotes from Rumi, who, as legend has it, made a mean marinara sauce. Mitch also has two colanders. One of his colanders looks as if it pre-dates Mayan times. The other one is new and dent-free. Mitch much prefers the old one. When he is not debunking Mayan myths, Mitch is captaining the good ship Idea Champions and helping his forward thinking clients establish robust, sustainable cultures of innovation.