11/19/2013 06:46 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

"The Stuffing Speaks"

Cast: American One, American Two, and Stuffing

Time: Now

Anywhere and everywhere in America

AMERICAN ONE, AMERICAN TWO, and STUFFING, anywhere and everywhere in America.

AMERICAN ONE: Christmas is starting earlier and earlier. Pretty soon we're going to have one big Holiday Season.

AMERICAN TWO: Looks that way.

AMERICAN ONE: These stores and malls. They don't even care about people sitting down with their families on Thanksgiving.

AMERICAN TWO: Since when did corporations care?

AMERICAN ONE: Since the Supreme Court said that they're people.

AMERICAN TWO: No one is making people shop.

AMERICAN ONE: That's true. You won't get an argument from me.

STUFFING: Me either.

AMERICAN ONE: Just think about those poor salespeople at work in the middle of the night.

AMERICAN TWO: Just think about indigenous people: beaten, raped, massacred, starved, murdered, libeled, and tossed aside for centuries.

AMERICAN ONE: It's not like that for me.

STUFFING: You have your own national holiday?

AMERICAN ONE: I don't like crass commercialism. It doesn't have to be like this.

AMERICAN TWO: But the shopping rush and 24 hour buying frenzy is more honest than people sitting down and gorging themselves on denial and and myths.


AMERICAN ONE: Thanksgiving's not like that, not anymore.


AMERICAN ONE: That's not what I think when I sit down with my family. We talk about what we're thankful for. Don't you think Thanksgiving has been turned into an American family holiday?


AMERICAN TWO: Neither do I.

AMERICAN ONE: It's a secular American holiday.

STUFFING: So when you give thanks, whom are you thanking?

AMERICA ONE: Now you're formal?

STUFFING: Grammar always counts.

AMERICAN ONE: We're making progress. At least we're starting to acknowledge what was done to Native Americans.

AMERICAN TWO: And that's why we still have a professional football team named the 'Redskins.'

STUFFING: Don't forget reservations. We have so many reservations.


AMERICAN ONE: I think you're both cynical.

AMERICAN TWO: I think we're both honest.

STUFFING: I think you're both naïve.

AMERICAN ONE: You're not celebrating Thanksgiving this year?

AMERICAN TWO: Probably not.

STUFFING: Pass me along, and risk karmic indigestion.

The End and The End and The End and The End and The End and The End...