THE BLOG
11/28/2011 12:06 pm ET Updated Jan 28, 2012

My Upcoming TV Series in the Spring Line Up

As you'll recall from last season, I had a record NINE pilots picked up for production. Now, six months later, I'm totally broke and without any television shows whatsoever. I'm not sure what happened. In one instant I went from being on top of the world with a rain stick store to the bottom of a well that I called my indoor swimming pool. But, as an American I know the only way to bounce back is to try just as hard again, and that's why I'd like to pitch my new shows for the spring season:

The Six: In the vein of "The Five" except one of the pundits is a fictional character. At the end of each episode the audience votes on who they thought was a fake person with fake ideas and who was just a batshit crazy political commentator who believed everything they were spouting. (FOX)

$#*! My Dad Said: A drama about a family coping with the loss of their favorite patriarch after he is found savagely murdered by a pack of very sophisticated wolves. (CBS)

Cancun Ink: A reality television program that depicts the events of a dingy tattoo parlor/hot dog stand in Cancun, Mexico and the aftermath of the drunken college students permanently branded with ephemeral trends. (A&E)

Millionaire Matchmaker: A non-fiction documentary-style show that follows Daniel Mortimer, an eccentric multi-millionaire, who spends his time fashioning homemade books of matches. (BRAVO)

Weeeeirrrddd: A new MTV show that proves the network is hip to what they think kids should like. This hilarious comedy is geared towards tweens and tweets. (MTV)

1,000 Ways To Dye: Spike TV softens up it's image in this new hit show about color and fabrics. (SPIKE)

Dinosaur Forest: A group of people is sent back in time to fix the problems of the future but is sent back before the ice age and massive asteroid showers. It's a lot like "Terra Nova" but they acknowledge this fact more. (FOX)

Bachelor: Hoarders: Yet another reality television program exposes the epidemic of the titular stars from "The Bachelor" hoarding up to twenty-five women at a time. Our clean-up crew "The Junkyard Gang" will guide and coach the bachelor into stripping down his collection of women through the use of roses. (A&E)

A Murphy Brown Reboot: I shouldn't even have to say it. (CBS)