Women are cyclical creatures. Never once are we the same as in another moment. Understanding this aspect of my wild self has brought me deep satisfaction and understanding. It used to hurt.
I used to think that I was either this way or that, and that I had to decide which part of my momentary persona was more real. I had to decide who I was and what made me that way. I could feel my consciousness moving. I would flow from inwardness to longing for human touch and connection. From bliss and ecstatic sensations to a deep sadness, melancholy or grief. I'd move from a clear and energetic mind to one that feels foggy and blurred, slowed down and unfocused. And I couldn't figure out which of these countless sensations truly described my essence. I thought that there was an imbalance, or that something was missing, and that it was wrong to change so much. I didn't want it. I wanted to be one way, all of the time. I thought that was more desirable. I'd muse on this and wonder why I couldn't just feel "good" all the time? There must be something wrong! I thought that transience was imbalance.
I would dull my waves of wild emotion by making it seem like I had it all under control, or that I wasn't phased or effected by the subtle occurrences I was feeling. But when I did this I started to realize how foolish it was. That the realm of subtleties is where the magic lingers, and the mystery awaits. There was too much force being in control all of the time. It was too artificial, sterilized and domesticated. Censored, and blocking the rawness. It felt too tight.
So I stopped doing that, and gave myself permission to feel, and to change and to flow. I then I realized that I am made of each of these sensations, all at once, and never just one. Everything, flowing at once, always changing, this is what makes me up. This is what makes me whole. Always shifting and moving, this is womanhood. I become different with each breath, as nature prefers. This is animation, not imbalance! This is depth, not insanity! And playing with this understanding, allowing and loving up my cyclic nature has provided me with so much. Doing this has brought me to experience the many cycles of womanhood with such depth, freedom and satisfaction. Understanding, more eyes, more seeing and less tension.
It has taught me to listen, and to embrace the constant flux of experience. I don't have to choose. I can have it all. And this teaches me not to be afraid, and that any discomfort, along with the satisfaction is only momentary, for now. If I don't like what's going on, I can always "speed up the process," do some work, and move it along. But even if I can't I know it will change eventually, and when it needs to. This brings me relief. I don't have to fear it, because I know I'm not broken and that nature heals itself. I know that like nature, I am meant to flow and to transform, and to be a part of the rhythm around me.
As women, we are also blessed with the physical ability to cycle through life and death each month. And because of this we feel our cyclic energy even more intensely, and it is this flow that shapes our world. It is this rhythm that our hearts and bodies dance to always. It's an ancient gift that isn't going anywhere. But we have to slow down and enjoy it, or it will become invisible, hiding beneath the surface.
Just as ovulation feels different from bleeding, and summer feels different than winter, we move from feeling to feeling, sensation to sensation, desire to desire and need to need. What we feel, and what we want, what we need is always new.
And it's this movement that keeps us lively, that shows us where we are and where we need to be. Each sensation is a message, it's an answer, and it's a cure. Real medicine. It's this cyclic movement that nurtures us in each moment, and that fits perfectly in that "right now" space.
Women are untamed beings at depth. We don't fit into the mold of just one mood, expression or way of feeling. How dull that would be! I like this better. And part of what makes us the way we are is our ability to shift, the effortless nature of this change, and the automatic rhythm of it all. There's no force, only flow. And it's all taken care of for us. This is a wild aspect of our femininity that has remained with us. From generation to generation the wisdom has lived in our bodies. And I am forever thankful for this. Imagine if it weren't...damn. That would be imbalance! Mundane, and way too tame.
Each moment I'm different, so don't expect anything certainly. Don't let me shock you, I will change.
We have the ability to experience so much since our roles are always changing. We are angry, loving and lost. With our own cycles and archetypal moods adding zest to each day, life is always exciting. Like our lunar mother, we wax and wane. We become dark and then bright. Imagine a moon without phases, always stuck in one place in the sky. That would be woman without her cyclic spirit.
Embracing this circular flow, and taking time to experience our mooncycles can benefit us so deeply. Practicing the rituals, making room for rest and listening to our bodies needs is necessity for walking this path. And mmm, we will be rewarded for doing so. It allows us to see the future, to understand what's coming and why, and get ourselves back into balance if we seem to be off track.
If we embrace this, and use its wisdom, we have access to a beautiful gift. Yet so many of us never look inside, we are afraid to go into the dark and see what's there waiting. But what's living inside us is radiant and beautiful, full of sweetness and pleasure. It's there, but we have to go see it. There's darkness, too, but it's just as beautiful and so charged with passion. If a sweet red rose was sitting before you would you not breathe it in? The depth of our womanliness is like that. How foolish it would be to ignore such a beautiful thing, and never experience it's intoxicating qualities. So take it in, my love, the darkness and the nectar. Allow it to fill you up, and fall in love with your ever-changing wild essence.
Now tell me, have you come to understand your wild and cyclical nature? Do you love this aspect of your femininity, or would you prefer it to be in some way different? Leave a comment below.